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Topic: That feeling

03-20-2006 11:09 AM



iluvmacy
Member

Location: Northern MN
Registered: Jan 2006
Posts: 61
Last visit: 03-23-2006

I've been wanting to start this thread for a long time, and after reading Leah's story it sparked more interest in me and from some of the replies I think others too. I'm sure there are a lot of us on this board that had that "funny feeling" something was not right with our little ones while we were pregnant with them or before and I think it would be so cool to hear them. I'll start, and I know mines not nearly as cool as other peoples, but here it goes:

About 3 years before I got pregnant (and the thought of having children was SOOOO not in my mind)I got this very overwhelming feeling that my baby was going to have a disability. I don't know what triggered it (cause like I said, I was NO WHERE NEAR ready to have kids)but it was there, and it never left. I didn't know what type of disability but I KNEW something was not going to be right. Well, 3 years later I decided to have children, the feeling was very much there but it didn't stop me from getting pregnant. The "feeling" was very, very,very much there the last month of my pregnancy, but I just keep telling myself, what are the odds? Then our little princess arrived w/ds. That "feeling" was the first thing I thought of. (OMG, it came true) My husband has since told me he also had a "funny feeling" something wasn't right shortly before Macy was born. I strongly believe Macy was not just an error in cell division, but I believe a higher power was preparing me/us for what was meant to be. And I also think that with the other stories I've heard and hope to hear. What else could it be???
I hope to hear more stories, it just makes me realize more and more our babies were meant to be!!!!
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Macy-5/11/05

03-20-2006 11:25 AM



kathleen
Senior Member

Location: Chico, CA
Registered: Dec 2005
Posts: 317
Last visit: 03-22-2006

Well you're wrong...that was a VERY COOL story. Unlike yourself I never had that feeling before children. I knew after my first that my family was not complete and it took a while to convince Brian. Anyway all was going well until the AFP screening was positive for DS. I went for the level two ultrasound at about 18 weeks and they said everything was fine. So we declined amnio. Anyway, I breathed a sigh of relief and went on business as usual. in the back of my mind I kept thinking that everything was not business as usual. I even went as far as having a dream about Mackenzie going out on Halloween in our new neighborhood with her sister with DS. I envisioned Brian as a father of a special needs child. I remember too, the night of my baby shower feeling like I was carrying a baby with DS. The feeling eventually subsided and would again return the same as before. In the hospital the doctor said she would run genetics because of the AFP and the crease across her hand. I think I knew then for sure, but wanted to stay in denial for a bit longer. We found out in the Docs office two weeks later. Really weird story on our way to the office to find out for sure. I said to myself that I needed a sign. Not being religious minded it was strange to think of for me. Anyway, we were listening to the radio and some song came on "lets get it started" (I think). Brian turns to me and said that this was the second version of the song, because the first version said "lets get retarded" apparently it was deemed innapriopriate and changed. Well that was enough for me. Tears rolled down my face and I knew what we were about to hear. Weird huh. I never told anyone about that not even Brian!
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Kathleen - Avery's Mommy
Chico, CA

03-20-2006 11:49 AM



cymorales
Senior Member

Location: Colorado
Registered: Apr 2005
Posts: 988
Last visit: 03-24-2006

I too had a eye opening experiences while pregnant with Jaemen. All my tests came back normal with him so of course I thought everything was ok...but about 25 weeks I started getting this weird feeling inside. I was driving by myself one night to see my friends and was in the turning lane( I can remember exactally where I was in town) and thought...hmmm It would just be my luck to have a baby when I was 18 and this baby will have some kind of disability and I will always have children in my house. I never told anyone. The second thing was when I was once againg driving and I pulled up next to a van and the most adorable boy was looking out the window and he started waving at me...and he rolled down the window and said Hi there...my kids were just loving it and started waving back to him with big smiles on their faces...he had DS...and was the cutest thing I've ever seen...It was like God was preparing my heart...the day Jaemen was born and I held him I knew he had DS in my heart and it was like I had a vision of every infant, child and adult I had EVER seen with DS. I know God did this on purpose to prepare me for what he was going to give us. I thank God that Jaemen actually lived through birth as my placenta was breaking down and had no measurable amniotic fluid.
__________________
Carmen
"The joys of parents are secret, and so are their griefs and fears: they cannot utter the one, nor will they utter the other."
(Francis Bacon)

Wife to Judah
Jayvier 4/4/96, Hailey 7/8/00, Jaemen 2/20/05(DS)
http://www.moralesfamilysite.com

03-20-2006 12:11 PM



DanielsMommy
Super Member

Location: Rhode Island
Registered: Sep 2005
Posts: 1409
Last visit: 03-24-2006

Yes, I had a few feelings while pregnant with Daniel. I now have a home daycare and while I was pregnant with Daniel.....I was very sick with morning sickness. I remember one day rocking one of the little girls in my daycare and feeling that I was so sick, so stressed that something was wrong with the baby. I just had this feeling inside.

My second feeling was really a premonition. I was 36 at the time so I decline the afp because of the high false positives and just went straight for the level 2 u/s. Daniel must have been sleeping because the tech was having a hard time getting all her pics and measurements. So she tells me to get up..go to the bathroom and get a drink of soda. I did...and went back and lay down on the table. A few seconds later the tech AND the doc come in and the doc says.."We take measurments of fold in the neck..because that is an indicator of Down Syndrome" I could barely find my voice to ask..." Do you think my baby has Ds?" He said no no....we just can't get the picture because the baby isn't moving. I just came in to help the tech move the baby so we can get this last pic. So he pushed on my stomach and got this pic. He punched a few numbers in the computer and said "Perfect"!! He said you have no markers for any abnormailities. Now I can't promise you, because no tests are foolproof...but based on your age...your chances of Ds were 1 in 400...after this successfull level 2 u/s you odd are lowered to 1 in 800. You know the rest of the story....June 7th at 10:02 am...Daniel came out and shocked that doctor!!
__________________
Lisa
Mommy to Elayna 10-1-02 and Daniel Ds 6-7-05
Always have hope....Without rain, there can be no rainbows.

03-20-2006 12:16 PM



klem
Super Member

Location: Gadsden, AL
Registered: Aug 2004
Posts: 1759
Last visit: 03-24-2006

The first part of this is going to sound HORRIBLE, but bear in mind, this was the thoughts of a child. See, I had a lingering thought about this since I was VERY young. As a kid, I'm talking elementary school, you would hear other kids making fun of people...maybe someone was over weight. Maybe someone was mentally challenged, etc. Now, they NEVER made fun of kids in our class, even though they may have been, we were all like family, so small of a town and we literally grew up together, but you know what I mean. Someone would say, "oh, so and so is a stupid ******" or "such and such is a fat lard". For some reason I always said, "you shouldn't make fun of people like that because you will grow up one day and your kids will have those problems." I mean, it haunted me. I just knew that if I made fun of people and their problems, that I would one day have those problems. So I thought I'd be really careful and not make fun of ANYBODY because that way I'd have PERFECT kids. Tee hee, kind of funny how the child's mind works....I did end up with perfect kids . But anyways, when I was about 12, I went to work at the ARC with my aunt who was still in college at the time. She's the one with the therapy clinic and she did this sort of thing for school, I suppose. But I met this little boy there named Charlie, who has Down Syndrome. Charlie was about 5-7 and had blonde hair and blue eyes and was the SWEETEST child in our class. He was so funny because when he went to the bathroom, (I had to take him), he would get COMPLETELY naked and then sit on the toilet backwards and hang on to the tank....ROFL, I got the biggest kick out of that kid. And I'm going long with this, I'm sorry. But I felt like I would be there one day. Wherever "there" is. I just felt it, and I can't really explain it properly. I knew someone like Charlie was a part of my future. That feeling lasted throughout my teenage years. And here I am.
__________________
Kelley, Robby's wife
mom of Daulton, the Mayor (10-07-98) and Drake, my treasure on loan from God (4-19-04) DS

03-20-2006 12:28 PM



My Boys
Super Member

Location: South Plainfield, NJ
Registered: Mar 2003
Posts: 1831
Last visit: 03-24-2006

Well my husband had an Aunt who had DS & from the first time I met her that image stuck in my head. Patrick was born & all the tests came back fine, little did I know the results can be wrong. When I was pregnant with Kyle I was watching one of those "Baby" shows on TLC & the woman was given high odds on having a baby with DS. That was about 6 or 7 months pregnant & it kept popping into my mind. Even right after he was born my heart sank but I did not know why. Mother's instinct felt something & the next day the pediatrician came in to tell me the news.
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Michele B.

Patrick (5-16-00)
Kyle (DS) (1-13-03)
Cameron (11-5-2005)

03-20-2006 12:44 PM



fixedyang
Senior Member

Location: Orlando, FL
Registered: Dec 2005
Posts: 166
Last visit: 03-24-2006

I had my two older sons when I was in my early 20's and it never occured to me that anything could ever go wrong with my PGs. Imagine my surprise when, 3 1/2 years ago, I suffered a miscarriage. After that I was always uneasy about being PG. I held my breath everytime they listened for Ethan's heartbeat and did a sonogram. Imagine my surprie when everything was fine. Then I got PG with Sadie. I tried to tell myself that it was just my normal worrying then at my 20 week sonogram (and I had lots of sonograms bc I had gestational diabetes) the peri saw 3 soft markers for Down. I knew it. I knew without the amnio (that I declined) that the words I'd dreamed of hearing "It's a girl" ,after three boys, would be followed with concern and I was right. We had a second opinion and he saw the same markers. It wasn't like he was telling me something out of the blue......He was comfirming my deepest unspoken fears. For a month we prayed, read books about raising a child with DS, and talked and talked.

The next month all of the markers were gone. I asked my DH if he thought God was giving us a reprieve from worrying and if these might be our last three months of "normal". He laughed and told me not to worry about it. Every sonogram after that I expected my knowledge of the DS to reappear and every time the experts told me everything looked fine! "Must have been an infection". I asked them over and over "Are you sure? Can you check again?" When I was getting preped for the c-section I turned one final time to my sweet husband and asked "And the baby doesn't have DS, right?" and again he told me not to worry.

After her birth Sadie was taken to the nursery so they could monitor her sugars bc of my GD and the transition ped aksed my DH if anyone had spoken to us about DS. When he came to check on my in post-op I could tell by the look on his face something was worrying him. He didn't know how to tell me. I thought she wasn't breathing (I was 36 weeks along but we'd had the shots to help her lungs develop) or worse. When he said they think she might have DS I said "That's fine. We can deal with DS". The next day they drew her blood for the DS test and a few days later we got the call. Again, it all confirmed what I knew all along.

P.S. I also knew the sex of all four children before they comfirmed by sonogram. I think it's all the same intuition......
__________________
Sherri & Chad married 12/16/00
Mom to Cooper (14), Hunter (12), Ethan (2), and our sweet baby girl Sadie born 10/3/05 (DS)

"Listen to the MUSTN'TS, child
Listen to the DON'TS
Listen to the SHOULDN'TS the IMPOSSIBLES the WON'TS.
LISTEN TO THE never haves
Then listen close to me-
ANYTHING can happen, child,
ANYTHING can be"

Shel Silverstein

03-20-2006 12:47 PM



feverfam
New Member

Location:
Registered: Jan 2005
Posts: 10
Last visit: 03-23-2006

I hardly post, but this thread is one that really interests me because of my "experience".
I had my first 2 kids at 31 and 33. After a "break" we had decided to go for number "3" but kept miscarrying - about 6 times - 2x at about 11-12 weeks, 1 at 7-8, and 3 under 2 mos. They ran blood tests on me but didn't find anything.
In the meantime, a friend about 32 years old who had 4 year old twins that were born preemies, was trying for another. She was taking fertility drugs, which is how she got prego with twins, and was at the point of giving up on the drugs. She was telling me I was crazy to keep on trying after all the miscarriages and how hard it was when she had to have her twins on heart monitors for two months and she couldn't sleep, was a nervous wreck etc. I told her "but isn't it worth it - you won't regret having a child once they are here" and then she said "I don't want to have *****ded kid with heart problems". I just stared - I was shocked at her cruellness and couldn't say a thing!
Fast forward a few months - she moved away and then we moved too. I was thinking "new house new baby" but wasn't sure how many miscarriages I could take. Then one night in bed as I was reading a book, I heard a voice in my head say "Brenda - if I gave you a baby with down syndrome would you love him" tears started rolling down my face - and let me tell you growing up with 4 brothers I still view tears as a sign "weakness and losing" so they don't come easy - I was stunned and the voice asked again and I said "yes" which to this day I don't know why I didn't argue first since it's also in my nature from growing up with 4 brothers.
Of course about 1 or 2 weeks later I found out I was pregnant. Then at 5 weeks I started bleeding "Oh no here we go again" I thought - went for a sonogram and miracle! we got a heartbeat - a nice strong heartbeat they told me!
So a few days before Christmas at 18 weeks we went for a sonogram to find out boy or girl - and then the "news" - it's a boy BUT he has a heart defect, thick nuchal fold, curved pinky, short limbs and nasal bone etc. - it wasn't till later on that I remembered the "voice" and how the voice even said love "him" not "her" - I had really wanted another girl!
I sometimes think God gave me the baby my friend didn't want. I never even knew DS babies commonly have heart problems. Her husband is a doctor so maybe that's why she knew and was so concerned with what could go wrong.
Another strange thing - I recently told my daughter about this story of hearing "God's voice" and she told me when she was praying for Christopher to not have down syndrome and a heart defect (we never got an amnio) she said she heard a voice tell her "I have a purpose for him".
So even though it's been 10 months and I still struggle with acceptance or as my husband says "it is what it is" and since you can't change it just accept it - I find comfort in knowing that God really is in control and just wants me to accept "His will and not my own".
__________________
Brenda
Mom to Jessica(8)
Zachary(6)
Christopher DS(5/18/05)

03-20-2006 12:53 PM



Sally/Grandma to Mya
Super Member

Location: Sacramento, California
Registered: Dec 2002
Posts: 2479
Last visit: 03-24-2006

Awesome stories. When Krissy was pregnant, Aaron asked the doctor more then one time if the baby could have Down syndrome. It just hung over him. Aaron's mother is a nurse and when he was growing up she was a midwife and taught midwiffery. Well she would bring home videos and he would watch them. I am sure that is where his fear came from. He was 25 and Krissy was 23 when Mya was born. Krissy never had that feeling.
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Mya's Grandma

03-20-2006 12:54 PM



lilpayton
Senior Member

Location: Bristow, Virginia
Registered: Jan 2006
Posts: 216
Last visit: 03-24-2006

Up until my 20-week sono, everything was fine...normal pregnancy. Then, went for my sono and they said, "Everything looks good!" Great! Oh, and PS...you are having a girl! Life is great, right? Later that afternoon, I got a phone call from my OB who told me that she wanted to talk to me about some concerns they saw. What concerns?! They told me everything looked good! I happened to be at the pedi with my son, which is across the hall from my OB, so I told her I would be right over. Went in, my son is tearing her office up and I'm bawling while she tells me they couldn't find a nasal bone, which would be indicative of a chromosomal abnormality, and that the kidneys are a little dilated, but not to worry, they see it all the time. So, we decide to wait for my AFP to come back and to schedule a level II ultrasound before jumping into an amnio (b/c I HAD to know). AFP comes back normal, level II shows the nasal bone (although I questioned the perinatalogist...."Are you sure you saw it?" LOL)...life is good. Kidneys still dilated, but no worries, once again they tell me they see it all the time and it will go away. Although after all this I really didn't trust anything they said, I pretended to put it in the back of my mind, even though my gut was still telling me something was going to be wrong. After I had a 30-week sono, there was some talk that my amniotic fluid was high, but my OB blew it off saying it wasn't completely abnormal. So I do a search online and BAM, what do I find but that chromosomally abnormal babies can have high fluid. So of course you know my brain was going crazy, despite what they had told me...that my baby was fine, that is. I would say in the last month of pregnancy my stomach was in knots. I did not want to deliver my baby because I didn't want to find out if she had something wrong...whether it be something with the kidneys or DS or whatever. I knew, however, that something was going to be wrong...and low and behold, I was right. Mother's instinct I guess.
__________________
Bethany
Mommy to Mason (1/13/04) and Payton (DS) (1/7/06)

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/paytonbalsis

03-20-2006 01:04 PM



lespring
Super Member

Location: Twin Cities metro area, MN
Registered: Mar 2005
Posts: 3743
Last visit: 03-22-2006

When I had Angela, and my mom said, "now it all makes sense" etc. Well...really it did! I started working with kids who have a wide variety of disabilities when I was 17. By the time I was 21 I was running a center-based respite care program for birth-7 year olds with a local disability center. Of course, the majority of the kids had DS.

When I was 15 my family was on a motorcycle trip, and we visited the grand canyon. When Angela was born my mom reminded me of the trip. You see...she kept saying, "Leah, look at the view! Isn't it unbelievable???" But I was distracted by the cute baby in a backpack on his daddy's back a few yards away. While my family was ooooohing and ahhhhing at the big ditch called the grand canyon, I was drooling over a baby. So when mom was reminding me of the story she said, "You surely didn't know it at the time, but that baby clearly had Down Syndrome!"

I never had a problem adjusting to the diagnosis. Would it be weird to say I was excited? I was...really...this REALLY bothered my husband that I felt that way. Not to say I don't sometimes miss the child I didn't have, because I do. But the fact I have a child with DS wasn't an issue for me.

__________________
~Leah~
mom to Noah 18, Tyler 17,Angela 9 (DS)
downcues.com

03-20-2006 01:11 PM



mary c
Senior Member

Location: Westchester County, New York
Registered: Jan 2005
Posts: 689
Last visit: 03-24-2006

My first two kids were adopted so Anna was my first pregnancy. I had always heard about how painful it was when babies in utero kicked their mothers, but I was unpleasantly surprised to find that Anna hardly moved. It scared me half to death as I would wait to feel her tiny gentle movements--I ate a lot of ice cream trying to get her to move. My whole pregnancy my husband never felt her move because he motions were so gentle. We were seeing a high risk ob/gyn because of my age (43) at the time and we knew right from the start that we had a high chance of DS. We refused the amnio but we had an ultrasound at every appointment, a nuchal fold test, quad screen and a level II ultrasound. The quad screen indicated a possibility of spina bifida so our NYC ob/gyn sent us up to Harvard to the "best in the business" for the level II. We decided to go in style so we got someone to watch our older kids and booked a room at a very nice hotel. The test was first thing in the morning, and I didn't sleep all night. The next day we had the ultrasound which the doctor performed. She saw no markers for DS, spent a lot of time looking at the spinal cord area and said she didn't think the baby (a girl!) had spina bifida. I remember we jumped into a cab to go back to our hotel and although we were jubilant about the fact that there was no spina bifida and that it was a girl, I was still very worried which I kept to myself.

Three weeks before the baby was born I was at the ob/gyn's office. I told her I thought the baby had DS, and she said "No way, with the test results you have I wouldn't have you take an amnio even" (Of course it was way to late for an amnio and termination, a course we had rejected long before). This didn't comfort me.

Then the day she was born, by c section, I didn't feel all that happy even after she was born--I was waiting. Sure enough, a half hour after she was born (while I was alone with just a young nurse in the recovery room) a neonatalogist walked in and told me they suspected DS. 5 days later that was confirmed, but we already knew.
__________________
Mary
Mom to Libby 6/92, Alex 9/93, Anna (DS)12/12/03

03-20-2006 01:35 PM



LinMac
Senior Member

Location: Dublin, Ireland
Registered: Oct 2005
Posts: 581
Last visit: 03-24-2006

This is a good thread.... I have so often thought of this question .... feelings of knowing before hand.

Right at my core of my being I have always known I would have a child with a disability from a very young age. I have always felt drawn to people on the margins. I feel connected with them and able to accept and respect them. It's like my purpose in life is to be in that space.. .it's where I can add value or connect. It's hard to explain. In one statement it's like the work I was born to do!

When I was 15 I got a kind of a calling, but I wasn't confident to listen and to take action. In school we had a person come into to talk to us about working with Roberts service provider on a voluntary basis. I was too busy making a career for myself and I ignored the offer!!

But I am listening now. I am open to what ever comes my way with Robert. I think like Leah I am in a good space with DS. I also feel I will work with kids with disabilities even though my background is with computers and business? I have it out in the universe at the moment. Working with Robert is a apprenticeship for me!!!
And I am loving every minute of it!
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Linda & John
mom to Hannah Kate (Age 7), Robert (04/16/2004, DS)

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