DownSyn Forum

sarah'smom

I would love any input and/or advice here.

Just this past summer, Sarah has become rather defiant, especially with me! I am not sure what to do or how to handle this. It just seems that no matter what I ask of her, her reply is "No," "Not right now," "I don't want to...," etc. Of course it is usually while getting ready for school or church, when we are expected there at a certain time. She doesn't really want to leave the house for school in the morning. The little girl who danced around my house shouting "I'm going to Ms. Becky's School today!" is no longer dancing.

Now that she's started Kindergarten, I've noticed that the twinkle in her eye, regarding school, has faded. I don't know if she is overwhelmed, or just tired of meeting our deadlines, or what, but she is just starting out here. She can't quit on us now!

She does seem a little more agreeable with my husband, her "Prince," and she's much more cooperative with her teachers.

How do you handle a child who weighs 45 lbs., and drops down to a sitting position when she doesn't get her way? I can't tell you how many times I have strained my back already.

I feel like we are regressing, and it is very discouraging.

Any suggestions? Thoughts?

_________________
Lisa,
mom to Stephen(6/4/00)
Sarah(DS 5/17/03)
Scott (7/5/06)

Downmama · Posted: September 05 2008, 11:14 AM Post subject:

I can say that Zach went through waves of defiance. He is 15 now and 145 lbs so imagine that... LOL

The other thing is that it seems like he tries to manipulate his situation and see if he can break us until he sees that "school", for instance, is non negotiable. Then he settles in. I also remind him that if he doesn't go to school... they take Mommy to jail.

... extreme... but true. So, what can you do.

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briarsmom · Posted: September 05 2008, 8:38 PM Post subject:

We do the same thing every morning and mine weighs 93 lbs!!!

Yesterday he grabbed on to the couch cushion screaming! This morning he ran to the dog pens thru the water and got me and him wet. I do know how you feel. I know that he is fine when he gets to school it just his last atempt to see if I will let him stay home. We have done this for the last 3 years! I cannot pick him up with out hurting myself. I don't like to say that he has a behavorial problem. I think my little guy would just rather stay home

Maybe it just a phase they are going thru and it will get better. Just know every morning that there is a mom in Arkansas going thru the same thing!! Laughing

_________________

Lori
Wife to Wes (briarsdad)
Mom to Will(11)9-14-98 Briar(8)DS 6-22-01

lespring · Posted: September 05 2008, 10:36 PM Post subject:

Don't pick her up unless she's in danger. WALK AWAY...no eye contact, no verbal contact...ZERO ATTENTION for what she's doing.

Instead, walk away but talk outloud to yourself about the really cool thing you're going to do next. "Oh, wow. What do we have here? TWO bags that need to get carried to the car? I wish I had someone to help me. I could carry one and my helper could carry one." or something goofy. Whatever you can think of that is a way to get you guys out the door but she's making the choice to come on her own. (does that make sense?)

I HAVE walked out the door while Angela is flopped, and started up the car. Angela ALWAYS comes running out shocked that I would even consider leaving without her. Ok...I know...I don't know what I'd do if she didn't come out, because I can't exactly follow through with that one. But for Angela, if I didn't KNOW it would work ahead of time, I wouldn't even attempt it. Now if I did the same thing in a store, it would backfire!

Angela's behavior specialists love to use a very dramatic voice and say, "Oh! I have an IDEA!!!!!" and they walk away really fast, which makes Angela follow them to see what the way cool idea could be.

Jobs jobs jobs. Angela is all about jobs. Anything that is task oriented is right up the alley. She also loves check-lists. So when she was younger (Sarah's age) we'd give her a picture list of stuff to check off while getting ready for school. She was independent with this within DAYS of starting it! So maybe it would have toothbrush, a hair brush, shoes and a backpack. Angela would use her marker and cross off each item as she finished it, and of course the last one was getting her backpack on. Then we'd do a little dance about how BIG and RESPONSIBLE she was! She is all about INDEPENDENCE, and whatever she can do without my following her around the better. She's been like this since she was about three!

Well, if anything I hope this gives you some ideas of other things that would work for Sarah. I know how frustrating the behavioral issues can be...believe me!

_________________
~Leah~

My mom's blog
http://gardenofeagan.blogspot.com/

And don't forget to visit MINE!
http://itsmylifemom.blogspot.com/

mom to Rob 26, Noah 25, Tyler 23, Bryon 23, Angela 16 (DS), Axel 12 (DS, adopted from Serbia 12/2012, AAI w/fusion) Asher 7 (DS adopted from Serbia 12/2011, AAI non-fusion)

My girl Sam · Posted: September 05 2008, 11:00 PM Post subject:

I had to literallly drag Samantha down the stairs today to get her in the car for school. And pick her up to put her in the carseat (and she hits me while I'm doing that). I have tried to pretend to leave without her and it doesn't work for me. I know with Samantha you have to give her a lot of time to get something done. And usually with school, we are running out the door at the last minute. Usually she's OK because we walk to school and she loves that but today we had to take the car and she wasnt' happy. Sorry, I don't have any words of wisdom but I wanted to let you know you're not alone.

_________________
Angie - Mom to
Samantha 9yrs (DS)
Gerry 7yrs
Abera 7yrs
Brandon 5yrs

ctvwarren · Posted: September 06 2008, 2:09 PM Post subject:

hmmm, for zae it is all about redirecting him.

For instance when he says NO....I resay my demand and then Yes Ma'am!
or I'll so didn't you mean to say Yes Ma'am...And he will say ok or yes ma'am and do what I asked the first time.

For when he throws fits....most of the time I just walk away....it doesn't take him long to come running after me.

And then their are school days....he does fine going to school, but when we get their he would act up...by droping to the floor and refusing to get up...So what we do is.....I remind him as we are going into the school now tell Mrs. Holly that you need to use the bathroom..(we are working on potty training...he is 75% there) this helps redirect his acting out into...I gotta hurry and get Mrs. Holly to take me to the bathroom...while they are doing that I talk to his teacher and put his backpack up....95% of the time I am gone before he gets back....I think he does it just because he knows I am leaving him....because when I come to pick him up from school he doesn't want to leave!

_________________
Christy~wife of 7 years to Tom
Proud Mommy to Zae (3-11-03~DS) and Lexi (1-11-2008)

marlene · Posted: September 06 2008, 9:28 PM Post subject:

Hey, Lisa! We're going through something similar. It doesn't have anything to do with school, though. But Aleena's answer to EVERYTHING is "no" or "no way" - EVEN to her teachers at school!!! Her teacher looks at her sternly and says "You don't say 'no' to me, you say 'yes Ms Rachel'". Then she waits for Aleena to say it. I have done that at home, too. Lately, I'm trying to lighten it up a bit and say " You mean, 'Okay Mommy'". Boy! (shaking head) I don't know! It seems like we are making NO progress, like it's not getting through. Sometimes I think that the 'no' answer is habitual now. I don't know what to do! Just trying to be consistent and hoping it finally clicks. If you find something that works, let me know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_________________
Marlene, mommy to my precious Aleena (1/30/04)

lesterbell · Posted: September 09 2008, 3:05 PM Post subject: behavior

So far this year, Kayla has been getting minimum 2 time-outs per day for running, not listening to direction or (this is her new thing) sticking her tongue out and saying "no!"

She has to have a 1 on 1 at her before and after school care because she will take other kids toys and run laughing at them, or she will color on other kids papers. I have talked to her until I am blue in the face about keeping hands to yourself. Boundaries are a tough subject with us, that is for sure.

She is a smart little chick and she pushes the limit constantly!

LovelyKennedy · Posted: September 09 2008, 3:25 PM Post subject: Re: behavior

lesterbell wrote:

So far this year, Kayla has been getting minimum 2 time-outs per day for running, not listening to direction or (this is her new thing) sticking her tongue out and saying "no!"

She has to have a 1 on 1 at her before and after school care because she will take other kids toys and run laughing at them, or she will color on other kids papers. I have talked to her until I am blue in the face about keeping hands to yourself. Boundaries are a tough subject with us, that is for sure.

She is a smart little chick and she pushes the limit constantly!

You explained Kennedy to a "T". The sticking out the tongue thing is getting better thank goodness. Her new thing is calling everybody "Butt Stink".....LOL! Wonder where she got that...ahem ahem..her brother and sister. I hope she doesnt use this term at school. Shocked

Anyway...redirection is the key I find. Kennedy's bus aide complained to me the first day of school that she would not keep her seatbelt on. She asked me if I could talk to her about it...LOL! I told her I could but it may take 1000 times. She now plays games with her on the bus and the seatbelt stays put.
I am sure Miss Sarah is just testing the limits....and this too shall pass.

_________________
Beth Mom to Cameron 2/26/2000, Kendall 6/25/2002 and My Lovely Kennedy 9/10/2003(DS)

FeathD · Posted: September 17 2008, 5:47 PM Post subject:

I was having the same problem with Austin at home and at school they were also experiencing the problem. We came to the conclusion that the transitions between his Learning support class and regular class, and from freetime to school work was a little overwhelming. So we came up with a system or solution. Being Austin still has no aspect of time. We use a timer at home and at school now. I set the timer 15 minutes before he has to get ready for bed, brush his teeth, get dressed for school, homework and such. and I remind him in 5 minute increments how much time he has left, he also looks at the timer also. They do this at school too and the fights and defiance has seemed to almost disapear. He no longer fights when it is time to switch classes or when freetime is over and he has to go back to his schoolwork. ANd the same at home, he doesn't fight me to go to bed or get dressed or time to go for school. He seems to grasp the concept of time now and he has control (in his mind..LOL) now with the timer as to when he is finished.

_________________

Mothers Day 2008

Kindergarten 10/07

Pumpkin Farm 08

sarah'smom · Posted: September 18 2008, 10:35 AM Post subject:

Thanks for all of your support and suggestions. I love the timer idea, and I bet this will work with Sarah too.

Our biggest struggle has been mornings. I think it's because she spends so much time in a structured school settingnow, she just misses her toys and her house.

Can't wait to try this. Why didn't I think of this sooner?

_________________
Lisa,
mom to Stephen(6/4/00)
Sarah(DS 5/17/03)
Scott (7/5/06)

FeathD · Posted: September 18 2008, 12:23 PM Post subject:

Good Luck and let me know how it works.....

And as for Her toys, Austin gets to pick out a group of toys to bring to school with him that week. He ONLY gets to play with them when he finishes his worksheets. The teacher sets the timer for 15 minutes for him to do his worksheet and then he gets a 5 minute break, during that 5 minute break he gets to play with "HIS" toys.

He doesn't miss his toys that much now that he has some in school and is rewarded at playtime with them for doing good work.

Hmmmm Seeems Sarah and Austin are tooo much alike... LOL

_________________

Mothers Day 2008

Kindergarten 10/07

Pumpkin Farm 08

wildcherrys · Posted: September 24 2008, 1:19 PM Post subject: walk away

when kids drop down, they are usually seeking full attention. I walk away or turn the t.v off. I usually say either you pick your own or i will pick it for you. I usually pick the one she doesnt want, whether she wants it or not (she's a daddys girl lol). One time when i was going somewhere she wouldnt put a shirt on, she just sat there and watched t.v so i opened the door and began to leave, she put her shirt on very fast lol. Dont try to pick her up unless she in danger, hurting your back will make things worse for everyone around. I hope i helped you a little at least.