DownSyn Forum

Gracies mom · Posted: February 20 2012, 4:39 PM Post subject: Worried about discipline!

Hi everyone,
Grace is coming up to 15 months at the end of the month. She has always been strong willed with a temper! Right from when she spent the 1st 5 months of her life on the neonatal ward..... The nurses would say you have a right madam on your hands!
Well they were right !!
Trouble is Im not sure if I'm going about discipline in the right way and I'm worried if I don't get on top of it, this madam will turn into a monster!
She's started to lash out, when she feels like it, and it can quickly turn into a battle between us, with me saying no and pushing her hand away and Grace hitting harder! The louder I get,the harder Grace hits! Realising this wasn't working I now say no and put her away from me for a few minutes, but she's not bothered about this in the slightest !
I never laugh or encourage this behaviour.
She's now started to do a big angry growl every time I take something off her she's not supposed to have, like my mobile phone, like I'm really annoying her!! I tend to ignore this!
Getting her into her pram is a nightmare! She kicks and screams and arches her back so I can't fasten her in !! ( so I end up carrying her to avoid a scene) Same with her car seat!
On a positive note, developmentally she's coming on a treat, I've been told she's a clever little girl whose very switched on for her age..... Alittle too switched on in my opinion, because she is walking all over me and her dad!
I'm terrified of messing it up, anyone got any advice ?
I should add she is on keppra for seizures which can make her more aggressive although she's been on it for about 5-6 months now and we didn't see any major changes with her.

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Cheryl mom to Hannah 10/11/94, Grace 30/11/10 ds, Stepmom to Ethen 30/06/00 and wife to John married Aug 06

pumpkinator · Posted: February 27 2012, 7:36 PM Post subject:

I think you are doing well to remove her maybe to her crib for a little while. The big thing is for the grown-up to stay calm and consistent and try to follow the same routines when you can. I started having all kinds of trouble getting Peter to sit at the table after only a couple of times letting him eat in the family room. You can also talk to her educational specialist or one of her other therapists for advice as well. They are there to help!

Momtoseven · Posted: February 27 2012, 8:08 PM Post subject:

I'll say she is a clever little girl! Mark is going to be 4 at the end of March and all of the behaviors you describe are things Mark is just starting to do - arching, slapping his hand on the ground when he doesn't get his way, yelling "no" at the top of his lungs repeatedly - he seems to know that doing this in public places is very effective in getting us to leave those public places and he is right. Mark has been doing the growling thing since he was 1 or so. He is very good at growling.

My advice would be to ignore as best you can the behaviors that you do not want and you will have to do this very often until she learns that her behaviour cannot control how you respond. I have to say that this advice is easier to give than to put into practice Shocked

.

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Maureen - Mom to Daniel(24), Brandon(22), Jordan(16), Thomas(14), Carrie(10), Samuel(7) and Mark (4)
https://www.carepages.com/carepages/MarkEdwardC32708

Tigger · Posted: February 28 2012, 5:00 AM Post subject:

I had a lot of trouble with Talitha getting her into her car seat, keeping her in the pram/stroller. She would arch her back, kick and scream but I figured that at the time she was little and I still had the physical capability to force her into her seat. I knew that if I didn't force the issue I would have no hope when she was bigger and stronger. Now I am very very glad I did because although there were many embarrassing scenes of me forcing my screaming, kicking child into her car seat, she will now get in and put her seatbelt on without too much argument. She knows I will not budge so any objections don't last long.

Now I would not be physically capable of forcing her into her seat.

I also found I had to ignore negative behaviours. It didn't seem to make any difference for quite a while but eventually she would give up on it. I did make sure positive behaviours got lots of appreciation - smiles, clapping, cheers so there was a big difference when she behaved negatively because she got nothing. Doesn't mean her behaviour is perfect but she will generally do what she is told .... eventually. Very Happy

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Karyn
Mum to Nikki (Jul 89), Stefanie (Sep 96), Joel [June 98] and Talitha (DS) (Nov 05) AVSD/PDA repaired 23 March 06

"I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well." Psalm 139:14

Gracies mom · Posted: February 29 2012, 4:58 PM Post subject:

Thank for your advise guys:-)
My dilema is because of the surgery Grace has had, she doesn't cope very well
with the addition saliva created whist upset!! So we can't leave her to cry for very long, before she starts to choke. This is particularly difficult when trying to get her to stay in her pram and I am concerned about sorting this out before she's too big!!!
Today I had to pick up some medication from the chemist and it was a lovely day so decided to walk with Grace in the pram! She screamed the whole 15 minute walk there, with frequent choking episodes, then the same the whole way back. It was just terrible with Grace so very upset and me feeling like the worst mum ever!! But I no she just wants me to carry her so what can I do??? Sad

We do have this problem with her in her cot of a night too! Sad

I think we've been so worried about her medical conditions since coming out of hospital we've spoilt her and are now paying the consequences!!!!!

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Cheryl mom to Hannah 10/11/94, Grace 30/11/10 ds, Stepmom to Ethen 30/06/00 and wife to John married Aug 06

Momtoseven · Posted: February 29 2012, 8:45 PM Post subject:

I don't think I would discipline her for wanting to be held. I would hold her as long as she likes it. I do not think you can spoil a child by holding them too much, but this is just my opinion. I know that there are times when holding is just not possible and maybe you could get her a little "lovey toy" - a stuffed doll or animal that she could hug when she did not have her mom or dad to cling to. Mark and all of my other children outgrew the holding thing faster than I wanted to give it up. I still try to hold Mark, but he squirms right out within a few minutes.

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Maureen - Mom to Daniel(24), Brandon(22), Jordan(16), Thomas(14), Carrie(10), Samuel(7) and Mark (4)
https://www.carepages.com/carepages/MarkEdwardC32708

TheBradyBunch · Posted: March 01 2012, 1:23 AM Post subject:

Any chance that it's related to her position? Maybe something hurts. Does she have reflux and if so is it under sontrol? Noah suffered with silent reflux for years, he didn't know to cry because it hurt.

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Mom to: Nicholas (May/02), Nathan (April/04), Charlene (June/06), Noah (DS, ASD) (May/07), Jesse Lynn (July/08 ), Tessa (Apr/10), Kaitlyn (Jun/12)

"Sometimes the things we can't change end up changing us"

Gracies mom · Posted: March 01 2012, 2:07 AM Post subject:

In her cot it's a mixture of reflux, trouble with saliva or lip smacking that wakes her up then she wants us, so we don't ever leave her crying in her cot. In fact in the lattr part of the night she does end up in our bed.

But I think she just hates being in her pram and although I would love to carry her everywhere, she's getting so heavy so it's just not possible. She has toys on her pram but nothing can console her.

She is going through an incredibly clingy stage at the moment, so I may try her in a pram that faces me, to see if it makes a difference. Thinking back this trouble may have started around the time I changed her to a forward facing pram around 6 months ago?

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Cheryl mom to Hannah 10/11/94, Grace 30/11/10 ds, Stepmom to Ethen 30/06/00 and wife to John married Aug 06

Momtoseven · Posted: March 01 2012, 9:50 AM Post subject:

Has she begun to walk yet? Is she on reflux meds? If she is having trouble with reflux and is starting to stand up could you get a pediatric walker from your PT? Being upright for most of the day has been a huge help with Mark's reflux. Have you tried a sling to help with holding her?

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Maureen - Mom to Daniel(24), Brandon(22), Jordan(16), Thomas(14), Carrie(10), Samuel(7) and Mark (4)
https://www.carepages.com/carepages/MarkEdwardC32708

TheBradyBunch · Posted: March 01 2012, 11:00 AM Post subject:

If she has reflux, there is a chance that her meds aren't working. Noahs stopped working, only he didn't cry from the pain, instead he just refused to eat.

I have never had a child cry each and every time I put them in the stroller for the whole time. If it was only once in a while I wouldn't worry, but because it's everytime, I really think it's pain related, or she's scared of something, and it would be worth it to go to the dr and find out about new reflux meds.

They usually start kids on ranitidine, it really didn't control Noah's reflux well and that is what he was on when he starved himself dehydrated twice in a week...like so dehydrated we had to go to the ER because he hadn't peed and had NO saliva.

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Mom to: Nicholas (May/02), Nathan (April/04), Charlene (June/06), Noah (DS, ASD) (May/07), Jesse Lynn (July/08 ), Tessa (Apr/10), Kaitlyn (Jun/12)

"Sometimes the things we can't change end up changing us"

breezymama · Posted: May 19 2012, 9:10 AM Post subject:

Have you considered trying an ergo carrier? They are very comfortable. They are for children from 15-40 pounds. If not maybe a little trike with a bar around the waist and a seat belt. My daughter likes her trike way better than a stroller. It has a handle so the parent can push it. And a foot rest for babies that don't yet know how to pedal. My daughter started using it at around 10 months.

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Breezymama - Mother to two beautiful girls