DownSyn Forum

mandy · Posted: December 21 2009, 5:14 AM Post subject: shopping and other outings.

So Adam willl be 6 in March and i still have a very hard time taking him and his brothers{same age} out to the shops and other places by myself which is so frustrating because alot of the time i cant just pick up, head out and do what i want or need to do, i feel like i am not independant.
My other two are great, they walk nicely with me, they dont run off and are basically a breeze now at almost 6 to take out. Adam on the other hand is very slow moving, easily distracted, wants me to buy him a drink or food every five minutes, cries if I wont, and them eventually will sit on the ground and not move. He is so heavy now, 27KG, that i cant pick him up.
My question for you guys, is if you had similar issues with your child with DS, was there an age when things got easier when going out, or was there something that you may have done to help the situation.
Oh and by the way, he refuses to sit in a pram and will cry the shops down if you suggest he go in one.
Mandy

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naomid · Posted: December 21 2009, 6:53 AM Post subject:

Callum is 6 (7 in March) and is generally pretty good, but on longer trips out we take the stroller. Sometimes he will choose to sit in it, other times we use it as a threat. If he doesn't listen, runs off or does the flop and drop then he goes in the stroller and I don't care if he screams and cries!

I've found that the more we've gone out and about then the better he gets (and I've usually got his 5 year old brother in tow as well). We do lots of praise for the good behaviour and tell him what a big boy he's being and how proud I am.

Callum's behaviour can still be unpredictable but he's getting better.

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Naomi
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SherryinWI · Posted: December 21 2009, 10:28 AM Post subject:

Nate is pretty good overall, but I admit taking all 3 of them on long errands is a pain! I think he feeds off the other two and they feed off him. Nate has great endurance and because he doesn't want to eat...he isn't asking for food. However, he has started to ask for stuff. "Mom can I have this!" He has also just put things in my shopping cart insisting we buy it. Nate is still on the small side only a little over 15kg so sitting in a pram/stroller is okay for him but I rarely use a stroller with him...I make him walk, which he prefers. This stage will pass for you!

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burnsun · Posted: December 21 2009, 12:35 PM Post subject:

Well.................. we have done the following...... I let them push the cart (I assume you mean pram..... but I thought that was stroller).

I get two carts many times....and if / When Melea misbehaved..... she got three chance....and then I pick her up all kicking and screaming and put her in the basket part and we just keep shopping!

I have used a wagon with seat belts and pulled them through the store!

I also have used a harness and a wrist teather depending on the situation.

Devon has been our hardest....but a lot of that had to deal with him haveing no experieince in shopping before coming to us!

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lesterbell · Posted: December 22 2009, 2:19 PM Post subject:

Oh my gosh, just last night I was ready to pull my hair out at Cub!!!!(grocery store).

My Kayla is 7 1/2 and she is now using 4-6 word sentences (grateful for that) but that increases her ability to demand things and she did the same thing "mom, apple juice please", "mom, snack please" "mom, french fry day?" etc.. the entire time I am shopping and trying to deal with the crowds and she is grabbing everything in sight and putting it in the cart. I know she is thinking that she wants to shop too and doesnt get that things cost $$, but it is frustrating. I wish sometimes she could follow me like a little duck, just like all the other kids I see everywhere. Just once!! My patience has worn no thin at times that it just makes things worse for both of us sometimes

I know how you are feeling. I hope that it gets better with age too. Are you single mom too? It's hard when you don't have someone to tag off with at the stores!!!

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DanielsMommy · Posted: December 22 2009, 4:01 PM Post subject:

My Daniel is much the same way. I threaten the cart, stroller if he doesn't stay with us. I also let him push the cart in the grocery store.

I admit....I prefer to do errands without him and typically will run out and have my husband watch him and vice versa.

He's just under 40 pounds....so I can lift him but cannot hold him for long periods of time. However, for the time being I am stronger and IF I need to put him in the stroller or cart...I can Wink

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briarsmom · Posted: December 22 2009, 9:27 PM Post subject:

I usually do not go anywhere without help. Briar is 8 and he is getting better about staying by me but still not good enough for me to just go shopping all day. I don't have any money to spend so it works for me LOL!

Briars grandmother kept him one time and I was on my way to pick him up and thought I would stop at walmart and pick up what i needed the go get him. WELL they were at walmart and she was just letting him run all over walmart while she did her shopping. I grabbed him put him in a cart and was VERY MAD! What was this woman thinking!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh well so yes he is a handfull even at 8 and then try taking him to the bathroom. I let him use the potty then I will go and try to keep him from opening the door or looking under to see what is going on next to us. and if he ever gets away. OH BOY!

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Beck and Kate · Posted: February 01 2010, 2:50 PM Post subject:

Becka is 11 and I have had great success with positive reinforcement. For a few years we have had great shopping trips.

I don't know how much this will help but here goes...

Before we leave it is pep talk time. Where we are going and what we are getting and why? - Kids are just like adults. they like to have purpose for their errands (plus if we are getting ingredients for a cake for a friends birthday, or the like, than she is the assistant to the project! Indespensible!)

Always use positive toned sentences - Never ~ No, don't, won't etc.
Not "You can't run around in there"
Instead "You stay with me like a big girl ok."

It makes a world of difference. I had a student named Mary that was 18 who had trouble with listening to teachers before I was transferred to her class. When I got there, all I heard them saying to her was "No, don't, stop". When I took over, instead of starting a negative thought process by saying "If you aren't good we are not going to finish the outing with a stop at Sonic" I said " Hey! If the whole group has a good day we are supposed to be going to Sonic!" Not specifically addressed to her, No negative words and giving them something to look forward to as a reward and not the bribe to "just behave". Weird but it works. Positive words produce positive thoughts automatically.

If you are planning to get them one item, help them quit the urge to toss a bunch of stuff in the cart, let them pick one thing early on and make them hold on to it. If they see something that they like better, tell them to choose. One or the other. Becka usually trades a number of times before we leave the store. This will keep them occupied. After all, you are getting boring stuff and the item in their hand is AWESOME!

Also, to avoid the spoiled, I want something every time I go out and Mommy get it for me mess, Give a small allowance. I mean small too, for those of us on a budget, most of the drinks and toys they vie for are dirt cheap usually anyway. This way they are proud because they bought it (cashiers love it), and they are in control of whether they get something or not. Becka has been known to save for particular items. It's the same to our pocketbooks but not to their minds.

Be firm. Use a strong tone and don't, I repeat don"t whine or plead, no matter how tired you are.

And most of all, make it interesting. Get them involved. send them to get something that is not outside of eyesight and talk about what you plan to do with the items. They usually are wandering out of curiosity and if the trip with mom is interesting then why look elsewhere?

I know that most of this was complete common sense for you guys but I figured that it couldn't hurt to say what worked for me. Sorry about the length.

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FALVKristiana · Posted: July 09 2012, 12:54 AM Post subject: i was told

I have the same issue with my 8 yr old Princess Kristiana. So bad that I would purposely wait till my husband got home to go do my errands. So a lady from San Andreas Regional told me .....Take regular trips to the store when I don't need to go (hahahaha like I have all that time ). When we get out of the car tell them the rules and what will happen if they don't listen. So when I get to the store with her , I say Kristiana , NO RUNNING, No TOUCHING, and no leaving mommy. If you can't behave you will sit in the car. The minute she breaks the rule , we take her to the car. I can't just go to a store when I don't need too, so my family and I all go and 1 of us will leave and take her out of the store and sit with her in the car. When she misbehaves we tell her we will try another time. It kinda works . She hates leaving the store.

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Tigger · Posted: July 09 2012, 5:31 AM Post subject:

Talitha is 6 and has the ability to behave and stay with me nowadays. I used to never take her shopping unless I had her in the stroller, shopping trolley or had one of my older kids to chase/herd her.

I say she has the ability to behave because she doesn't always choose to. She will run off, pick up stuff in the shop, ask for stuff and occasionally tries a tantrum to get something. So far any tantrum like behaviour has resulted in her getting nothing so it is getting less and less.

I have to agree with the value of positive words although I don't always achieve that. I say 'walk with mum' instead of 'don't run off'. I also involve her as much as I can as she loves to help and is much more likely to be compliant if she has a job to do.

Occasionally I will take a stroller if we have a lot of walking to do because she will do the stop, drop and flop if she gets tired or we aren't going where she wants to and I can't carry her far. She has started objecting to the stroller informing me she is a 'big girl'.

Having said all of this, if I can leave her in the car with an older sibling while I duck into a shop, or leave her home with someone I will choose to do that. It is so much easier and faster.

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Mum to Nikki (Jul 89), Stefanie (Sep 96), Joel [June 98] and Talitha (DS) (Nov 05) AVSD/PDA repaired 23 March 06

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Dylans_Mom · Posted: July 09 2012, 10:54 AM Post subject:

We give him choices, he can walk by me or he can sit in the stroller or cart. If he doesn't stay by me he goes in the cart and it is enforced. He is 6 and he still sits in a stroller/cart more often then walks. If we go grocery shopping I know he loves grapes, so I leave that till last and say through the whole trip if you are good and sit nice we will get you grapes at the end, or he can hold something. One time he had so much food piled on top of him I was getting looks Laughing

, but he was happy. It takes some extra time to do something extra when he is good shopping, but it helps in the long run to make the trip easier. Talk to him before you leave. I always give him choices, but the outcome is always what I want Surprised

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Mom to Hailey 3/2002, Dylan (ds) 12/2005

Catty · Posted: July 10 2012, 12:50 PM Post subject:

I know how you feel. I do feel my independance has decreased a lot after our daughter turned 6. Before then she was fine, after 6 she was very difficult to take on outings and vacations ended up being a nightmare. We do find a stroller works well. I have way more control when she is in her stroller. She is 11 now and we just purchased a wheelchair/stroller for outings. She has a hard time with walking long distances. I do my groceries when hubby is home, and we are going on our first vacation in one month, but we are leaving her with family for the first time ever. I have no real answers, but perhaps extra hands would be helpful.