David Henry seems stuck to me, like a man who wants to change, maybe is aware that his life needs to change, yet he is unable to do anything about it.

And his fear of his daughter, and the unknown she represented to him, sets the tone for the rest of his life.

It's his struggle that makes me feel sympathy for him. How has change, and fear of change, challenged you in your own life?

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Jennifer Graf Groneberg

I think David Henry had a fear of anything that wasn't 'perfect'. This is a common fear with our medical community, even today.

His wife was a perfectly beautiful, and he had all the answers as a physician. His daughter with Ds represented both the unknown and the seemingly 'imperfect'. He couldn't see Phoebe fitting in his laid out plans - especially because she was both an unexpected twin (how could he have missed the diagnosis of a multiple pregnancy) AND the fact she had Ds.

I think we all have a fear of the unknown when our babies are born unexpectedly with Down syndrome. And yes, even today some parents want to explore the option of surrendering their baby for adoption. In 2006 in Russia, 85% of babies with Ds are sent to 'baby homes' (orphanages).

Anyhow, I haven't answered your personal question. I kinda like change because I'm a bit of a drama queen. I actually thrive on it - but it didn't used to be that way. I've learned to be more flexible since my first marriage broke up - and I realized that the fantasy of the 'white picket fence' existence was a ruse.

You never know what's happening behind closed doors. That's why David and Norah's life looked perfect from the outside, but was a mess inside. Caroline had the opposite problem - she looked 'funny' as a single mom with a child with a disability, but she was really happy inside.

Funny, Suz, your comment about Russia. I had Polly in Ukraine in 2006 and we were offered to give her up. One family friend said that she would take Polina if we were sending her to an institution.

Anyway, Change? Well, it just is. My life has been one huge change after another and I honestly have no idea what's next. Of course at times I am fearful. I've stopped guessing b/c so far it's been so different than I could have ever conjured up on my own. But I think that change is good. It forces us to grow.

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Gillian
wife to Sergei and mom to Elaina (7), Zoya (5 1/2) and Polina (04/05/06 DS)

I think I really related to David Henry on this one...I HATE CHANGE. And I look back over my life and sometimes am surprised at my stubbornness in the face of change, and how often I try to sneak past it. But as my eighty-seven-year old great grandma once said, "Life is change."

So I related to David's resistance; but I have never taken mine to the level he did. And in that, I found his life a bit of a cautionary tale...like a warning to myself to try harder to be more fluid.

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Jennifer Graf Groneberg

I think David Henry actually brought upon a huge change in his life and the life of his family - by playing 'God' and deciding if his daughter should live or die (at least in the eyes of his wife - he effectively decided Phoebe should die).

He thought this decision would keep his family life the same, but it actually altered it forever. It showed how you aren't supposed to mess with these big decisions...his life was meant to be with Phoebe but he got his sticky fingers in there and changed that.

And so he lived a sad secret life.

It's true, it's true. You can run, but you can not hide...
And I like your point that by avoiding change, he actually caused much bigger, dramatic, and life-altering changes than the one he was afraid of. Again, I am reminding myself to KEEP MY STICKY FINGERS OFF THE CONTROLS, PLEASE!

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Jennifer Graf Groneberg