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Teaching "NO"

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PostPosted: August 31 2010, 5:27 PM    Post subject:
Teaching "NO"
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My 18 month old son with DS is not comprehending "NO". He is extremely attentive when we talk with him and understands basic commands. ("Give me the toy" or "put the block in the box") Although he doesn't speak yet, he signs alot.

I am a little frustrated with him consistently dropping food during meals (a simple thing and normal), but I am more worried about him repeatedly doing things that are dangerous (consistently crawling to the fireplace and batting at the screen) despite our repeated admonitions.

We both sign and say "No" but he has never acknowledged it even once.

As a safety issue, I feel like he needs to learn "NO". With a cognitive delay, I am unsure as to whether to start gently popping him. However, I feel like I need a plan for action.

Thanks for any advice!

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PostPosted: August 31 2010, 5:40 PM    Post subject:
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Meredith (love your name, by the way!),
My husband and I are clueless about this, too. Our son w DS is 28 months old, and isn't signing or talking at all. The only request he will obey is, "Can Mommy have that?"
His EI coordinator told me months ago, when I asked her about this, that he knows "no," and even if he doesn't, that we need to act like he does, so that he learns. But she doesn't really know my son, and so I don't know how she can say that.
I say "no" to him in a firm voice when he does things he shouldn't, like getting on the fireplace mantle or reaching in the open dishwasher, etc. But I am not sure if he knows what I am saying. Big sigh...........


Wife to Matthew
Mom to three wonderful sons:
Andrew James--3/24/06
Benjamin Matthew--4/24/08 DS--VSD & ASD repaired 10/3/08, intestinal obstruction repaired 1/13/09, hypospadias & ventral hernia repaired 8/21/09
Thomas Alexander--3/25/10
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PostPosted: August 31 2010, 7:53 PM    Post subject:
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I did not feel like Grant understood no at 18 months. We tried to remove dangerous items from his reach at that time. It was hard because you don't want to punish them if they don't understand you verses if they aren't obeying you. That was hard for me, and I probably waited too long to reinforce the "no". I'd suggest making sure you have his attention, tell him no, and then if he continues the behavior, remove the item that is causing the problem, if possible. Or, move him away from the dangerous item.

Grant (6/06 DS), Logan (12/08 )
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PostPosted: August 31 2010, 8:36 PM    Post subject:
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Nichole has figured out (and figured out early on) that nobody really means it when they say "no." She can do whatever she wants at church, or anywhere we go. The entire world thinks she can't get it, she likes it that way, and she wants us to be fooled by this too.

Nichole does not respond to "no." Not because she does not get it, but because she does not want to. For example, I say, "Nichole, NO!" What does the little rascal do? She takes off running!

However, if there is a consequence, she might listen up a little bit closer.

She went to Sunday school with a helper. Helper quit, I had to come. First day I realized Nichole did whatever she wanted. I said "no" plenty of times. Nothing! So I made her sit, I made her obey. She cried, she kicked, she threw a fit. Teacher said to me, "It is okay, she just does not understand." Well, I don't buy it, because I think it just takes Nichole longer, or maybe I should say, MORE redirection to get it, and to know that I really mean it. So I told Sunday school teacher while Nichole kicked and screamed "Sorry, this is probably going to last a few Sunday's, but she is going to sit, listen, and obey." Sunday school teacher was probably not too happy, but what can she do, I am the pastor's wife! Wink
Sure enough, after FOUR long classes, Nichole turned out to be the most cooperative and engaged child in her class.

We make her obey, we make her understand. It takes A LOT MORE from me when it comes to parenting. What my girls get after 2 times, she gets after 15.

Another example. Another girl at our church has Ds and is 5. She does whatever she wants, even runs out of her Sunday school room. But what happens if mom or dad happen to be walking by? Believe me, she KNOWS she is being naughty!

It took us a while to learn this. Mainly, the girl that does respite for us somehow could manage Nichole better. I realized, that somehow, I had allowed myself to treat Nichole different, to expect less. It was the most humbling, eye opening moment. I never thought *I* would have been the one to expect less from her. Once Nichole realized we expected for her to listen and obey, and that we meant business, everything changed.

Ellen, honored to be married to Andy since Feb 2003 and mom to Ellie (08/21/05) Nina (05/01/06 CP) and Nichole (10/02/07 DS)

"For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made, your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:13-14
God does not make mistakes
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PostPosted: September 01 2010, 1:08 AM    Post subject:
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I think Paige TOTALLY understands no, and has since about 18months, maybe earlier. What she chooses to do with that understanding is the dilemma. She will full out ignore me, not even a glimpse of recognition that she hears me, and then as soon as I move toward her, or remove her... that's when I know that she knows!
I will slap her hand if I need to when she doesn't listen to no the first time (like when she wants to push buttons), I know that she knows because now she slaps her own hand when I say no.... and then proceeds to do it again. *sigh*
I think that teaching no is one of the hardest parts. I feel that if I let myself doubt that she understands or doesn't, that's when I'm going to have problems. Even if she doesn't, how is she going to learn? Just because she doesn't understand no, doesn't mean she gets to do it.... I think that it is just going to take longer for some of our kiddos to learn no, but they can.

Kasey, mom to Paige (2!)
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PostPosted: September 01 2010, 9:24 AM    Post subject:
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Talitha understands 'no' but doesn't always choose to obey. We are reasonably tough on her but to try to work out what is going on if she isn't obedient because sometimes there is a reason she is trying to get across to us and we just aren't getting it. For example a couple of weeks ago I asked her to put her boots on. I gave them to her and she threw them down and sat on the floor. I said "no throwing" and gave them back to her. She threw them again and then I said I would smack her if she threw them again. I gave them to her and she threw them and then said "ouch". So I asked if they hurt her feet and she said 'yes' so that is why she didn't want to wear them. I gave her a different pair and she put them on happily.

I do have to say that at 18 months I don't think she always understood what we were saying 'no' to so we had to be very specific. She also had a lot of trouble with her hearing then so we had to make sure she heard us saying no.

Mum to Nikki (Jul 89), Stefanie (Sep 96), Joel [June 98] and Talitha (DS) (Nov 05) AVSD/PDA repaired 23 March 06

"I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well." Psalm 139:14
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PostPosted: September 02 2010, 9:59 PM    Post subject:
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We're sure Liam understands no but doesn't care.

But when he does something serious like try to crawl on the hearth, we say no and make sure it stops NOW. And I try to avoid saying no if I'm not going to make it stick (as when he throws his bottle).

Boy, I wish he would sign or speak. He's just so dang stubborn! Sometimes I wonder if the chromosome he got three of is the one with stubbornness on it, because he's got almost as much as me and my wife put together! Smile We've got to find some way to convince him that it's his idea...
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