hi all
My name is Reem , I'm a student, specializing with childrens with special needs, and i'm doing a project about DS childrens, so i need some help from parents who have such a children. please help me if you can in these following questions!
what were your thoughts about being a parent and having a special needs child?
and have your thoughts changed about parenting since you have a special needs child?
thank you in advance for your helping and understanding, i really appreciate it

Hi Reem, I think you will get more answers if you repost this in the "questions" section of the forum.

I think every parent will tell you that when first learning that their child would have special needs that the first feeling is fear and great concern about the future. There is often a feeling of mourning of the loss of the child that you thought you were going to have. Google the name of
Emily Kingsley and find her poem about being a parent of child with DS. She is a writer for Sesame Street who has a son, Jason, with DS. She describes the way many parents feel.

As you get to know your child though, the fear changes a bit. The love for your child takes over and after a while you don't see the special need as much but you see this wonderful person who is your child. Now the fear isn't as much for yourself as it is for your child's future. How will your child be accepted by other kids, by teachers, etc.? Will they have friends, will they got to the school in the neighborhood, will they be able to hold a job and support themselves? Most of all you want to protect your child while still fostering their independence.

My child with DS is my youngest child and I have two older kids who are in college. I will tell you that I am a different parent with my youngest than I was with the older ones and I think that I am a better parent. No longer do I sweat all the little stuff and I actually find the parents of typical kids the same age as my youngest to be ridiculously filled with angst over silly stuff--like a 3rd grade science test. We spend more time doing things just because it is fun and less time doing things just to become "good" at them. At this age my older kids were on teams practicing 5 times a week--my youngest does things like dance, swimming and skiing just because they are fun, not to be "the best" at them.

Good luck with your research!

_________________
Mary
Mom to Libby 6/92, Alex 9/93, Anna (DS)12/03

Please support the LuMind Foundation http://i139.photobucket.com/albums/q284/maryc_010/a13-1.jpg[/img]
[img]
[IMG]

actually i did post it on the questions forum, but i din't get any reply that's why i re-posted it here!

thank you so much for sharing your story and your thoughts with me
! i really appreciated it

Hello Reem,
I think Mary has given a good indication of how a lot of parents feel.
I'd like to help you with your reseach but I feel very uncomfortable sharing a personal journey with someone I don't know.
How about a more specific and detailed questionaire once your research progresses?
Can I suggest that you read some autobiographies? Some authors have been members of this site, and they have written about their experiences.
I would recommend:
Expecting Adam by Martha Beck
Road Map to Holland by Jennifer Graf Groneberg
The Year My Son and I were born by Kathryn Lynard Soper

Also, not about Down's but written by parents who faced similar difficulties and decisions, and who responded very differently,
Blue Sky July by Nia Wyn
When the Bough Breaks by Julia Holander

All best wishes for your studies,

_________________
Rachel
Mum to Thomas 05, Luke 07, Jacob DS 09. Married to Stephen.

PS 'Living with Max' by Sandy Lewis also gives realistic insights. Some books go down the ...devastaing at first but saved my soul in the end... route whereas this one has the strap line, 'Having a son with Down's syndrom was, and still is, the best thing that has ever happened to me. It is also the worst.'

There are a lot of autobiographies out there which will make for good background reading and give you many different insights into what it is like.

Once you are further on, consider devising a questionaire for parents which asks more specific, quanifiable questions. Do you have a research tutor who could advise you about methodology? You might get a good response, rather than asking for general accounts of very emotional and pivotal times.

All best x

_________________
Rachel
Mum to Thomas 05, Luke 07, Jacob DS 09. Married to Stephen.

Hello,

I agree with Rachel (the previous poster). This is the reason I did not respond to your post initially. I also agree that more specific questions would be easier to answer, as opposed to a very open question which explores very many emotions, thoughts and feelings.

Good luck with your research!

_________________
Everything is for the best!

Hi Reem, Yes there is lots of books out there that will give you a good insite. I think The Shape of Her Eye (http://www.amazon.com/Shape-Eye-Memoir-George-Estreich/dp/0399163344/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1407786482&sr=1-1&keywords=shape+of+her+eye

Just my personal prospective and EVERY FAMILY is different. We have more then the Down Syndrome going on in our house hold. I try my best to treat each child with what they need when they need it. Difficulties arise when all three need something. None of my children are treated with special treatment just because of there diagnosis. All need to grow up and live in a world of intolerance and they need to find there place in the world. I am just trying my best to guide them. Yes I am a different person after finding out that each of my boys have something going on because I have learned about the learning process, education and how the law affects my family and my children. I have been shaped by other event too such as that I started up a in home daycare after the birth of my son because we couldn't find good care fore him. That even alone has tough me more about children and development then even my college class. But I also feel that even typical children change who we are as adults. I just think the reality hits you harder sometimes and often you can see the big picture without the rose colored classes on. I think as your special needs child grow you learn a different acceptance and live moves forward. There are big/ little learning events along the way and new mile stones at every corner and along with that is change and acceptance. Yes those event change us as we go. I feel that I am much stronger person and advocate for my children then 15 years ago when my fist son came into my life. Just my thoughts in a nut shell

_________________
Wife to Sergei and Mom to Alexander, Andrew, Anthony (12/05 DS)

I knew nothing about Down Syndrome before I had Talitha. It never occurred to me that I might end up with a child with special needs but when I got told pre-natally that it was possible that my baby had Down Syndrome my immediate response was "ok, but is she ok?" . The reason for that was that they had identified her heart condition (AVSD) and that was more concerning for me than the fact that she might have DS.

I was pressured to abort even though I was already 20 weeks pregnant and I found that disgusting. It was never an option for me.

My beautiful girl is 8 years old now and the delight of my life. Although I did have a lot of concerns initially I was so delighted that she was alive that I wasn't really concerned about her having DS. I have learnt an incredible amount and am still learning every day. I can honestly say that if I could be guaranteed another baby with DS I would definitely have another one (if my baby making bits weren't broken). We have considered adopting a child with DS but have not had the opportunity. Having Talitha has changed my whole perspective on kids with special needs and I love that

_________________
Karyn
Mum to Nikki (Jul 89), Stefanie (Sep 96), Joel [June 98] and Talitha (DS) (Nov 05) AVSD/PDA repaired 23 March

"I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well." Psalm 139:14