Hi everyone!
I hope you are doing well!
I have a question. I don't really know how to teach my daughter to play.
Normally she lies on the floor and throws her toys around, when I pool her to a sitting position she sits for some time, but after that she lies down again.
She is not interested when I show her how to pull a car or to build something with building blocks, etc. She takes toys from me and throws them away. She has all the necessary skills to do what I want of her or at least try to do it, but she shows no interest. I often offer her some simple games to play (eg. to hide a toy under a box), but she gets bored really quickly. I often buy her new toys, but she gets sick of them in 3-4 days. She likes to turn the pages of books, but she is not interested in pictures.
The only type of toys she likes is musical toys. She can play with a new one for 2 weeks or so. But I don't think such toys are challenging. Sometimes she can press one and the same button for 20 times. She seems to learn nothing playing with them. When she was younger and had difficulties in pressing the buttons, I was happy when she played with such toys. Now I want her games to be more challenging, but I fail to interest her in anything new.
We live in a small town and I get no professional help in her teaching.
Right now I'm really at a loss. I don't know whether I should let her play the way she can/wants or whether I should give her special lessons every day, explaining how to play with this or that toy.
P.S. After some time on the floor, when all toys are scattered, she begins to cry. She wants me to play with her, but I don't really know how. All my attempts to show her toys or attempts to play a game fail. She looks at me as if she wants to say: "That is not what I want! I'm bored, try harder."
I hope to get advice from you. Thank you.

Hello. My son is 8 and is only just started showing an interest in cars and still has no interest in building blocks.

Your daughter likes musical toys because they are visual. But she is learning from them. In pressing the same button time after time, she is learning cause and effect. That is by pressing a button causes something to happen. You may want her games to be more challenging but, mentally, she may not be ready.

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Mum to Jesse (2007)

Thank you for your reply!
Yes, my daughter is not mentally ready for more challenging things. But I've noticed an interesting thing: sometimes I spend months showing her how to play with this or that toy, she doesn't seem to be interested, I can only attract her attention for a few seconds. All my efforts seem useless, but suddenly (after several months) she begins doing what I want of her! I think it can be useful to teach your child many things, even if it seems useless. After some time he/she will understand something. But I want to be less blind in my experiments, because now it is like groping in the darkness. I waste a lot of time, because I do not see clearly what things she is ready to learn.
I wonder if there are some tips that can help to decide what further step you should take.

It might help to introduce toys which can be played with in a variety of ways - creatively, with no 'right' outcome. Let your daughter lead the way - she will show you how she wants to play. Or, she may just like to sit on your knee with a book (or just one page of a book), or to sing a song. Let her learn at her own pace. Let her lead you. A lot of children with learning delays like visual toys and auditory toys. They don't need to 'do' the right thing with them - just enjoy free play and exploring.

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Rachel
Mum to Thomas 05, Luke 07, Jacob DS 09. Married to Stephen.

Hi there

Our kids tend to have a delayed learning reaction. I've heard of a lot of people talk about this. For instance i was teaching my son to sign when he was little. I worked hard on it for three months and finally gave up. Three months later he comes up to me and signs "more" out of the blue. So weird. We don't think we are getting anywhere and then wow it happens.

I wouldn't worry too much about outcomes either. Just enjoy her and you will find it comes with time. They have these lags and then all of a sudden, learn, learn, learn! Happens with speech as well. Sometimes they also drop a skill while learning a new one.

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Kellie, mom to Sean 13 yrs with DS and Carly 16 yrs

Would it help to separate 'play' and 'learning' in your own mind? Play doesn't need to challenge - it can just be fun. Fun play still shapes minds. I wonder if you just enjoy playing with her, the rest will come - especially as she gets older, starts school etc.

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Rachel
Mum to Thomas 05, Luke 07, Jacob DS 09. Married to Stephen.

Sorry to go on and on, I just had another thought. Sometimes toys designed for children just don't appeal. Have you tried playing with household objects - pots, pans, spoons, brushes - and also natural objects which you can pick up on walks eg leaves, pine cones, stones. You could draw funny faces on pebbles, hide a small toy in a pot of dried pasta, make music shakes from bottles filled with rice and glitter - I find that having a child like Jacob makes me think 'outside the box' as he doesn't always respond in the same way as my other children. Keep the emphasis on enjoying her company and the things you do together rather than trying to 'teach' her. She will still learn a lot from you! Also, if she likes to lie down, try a baby gym or mobile. Look after yourself too - you may find that if you leave her toys around and sit down to read a magazine, she will find her own way of playing with her toys.

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Rachel
Mum to Thomas 05, Luke 07, Jacob DS 09. Married to Stephen.

Hi everyone!

Thank you very much for your wonderful replies and advice!

I call very simple things learning. When we "read" a book together I say - "It's a dog, it says woof!" Isn't it learning? I believe that every thing that an adult does together with a kid is learning even if you just take a stick and splash water from a puddle.

The problem is that in Russia children with developmental delay cannot go to a local school. We have special schools for such children, but even special schools do not accept all the children. If the developmental delay is great the child doesn't go to school at all.

I believe it's awful to stay at home all the time. That's why I worry a lot about the way I should teach her, I want to do my best to give her a chance to go to school.

A child who can't walk and has a g-tube cannot go to a kindergarten, so the only people my daughter sees are my husband and I. Such isolation isn't good for her.

You have achieved great results with your kids! I wonder if in your country small children with DS go to some kindergarten (or center) where a teacher and a psychologist train them for school? Do you have a person who gives you advice on teaching your baby to crawl, to walk?

I'm so sorry to hear that things are so difficult for you where you live. That puts my previous comments into perspective! I live in the UK and, yes, we have professionals who help with all aspects of development in the early years. This doesn't mean that every child can go to a mainstream school - a special school was best in the end for my little boy.
You are quite right that play and learning can be as simple as splashing in water. Jacob loves that! I can also see that you feel a pressure to do the best you can to help your daughter learn enough to go to school.
My kindest thoughts and hopes are with you. You sound to be doing a great job helping your daughter and getting the best for her.
It may not be awful to stay at home to be educated - some people on this site choose to do just that. You sound to be giving your daughter a full range of activities - are there other parents in similar situation for you to link up with?

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Rachel
Mum to Thomas 05, Luke 07, Jacob DS 09. Married to Stephen.

Hello Rachel!
Thank you for your reply and encouragement!

Yes, I do communicate with some parents of special children, but we live in different parts of the country and do not see each other.

I have another question to the forum members. I wonder what methods are used in your countries to teach/stimulate a child to crawl and walk? Our doctor suggested that we should try reflex locomotion: physiotherapist makes a baby (or a child) do special exercises that train the mussels, but these exercises cannot be called pleasant, sometimes they even a bit painful. Small children and babies cry desperately while the exercises are done.
My daughter's reaction on such exercises was extremely negative, I've never seen her cry so desperately. The session lasted 20 minutes, but she was so shocked by it, that she was in bad spirits for the rest of the day. We had a couple of tries, but then we gave it up. Doctors and physiotherapists tell me that "crying (no matter how desperate the cry is) is a normal reaction of a child". They say, that all children react the way my daughter does, and the exercises must be done.

Most parents in this country follow the doctor's advice, they really get good results: most children start to walk before they turn 2. But at the same time most of these children suffer from epilepsy. I wonder if a severe stress can provoke epilepsy.

I'm really in two minds if my choice was right.
Is it common in your country to do exercises that make the child suffer? Is it ok to let the child cry desperately while the exercises are done?

We had a physiotherapist to help us when Jacob was young. He didn't walk independently until he was 5 years old. The physiotherapist showed us exercises to do at various stages of development - holding head up, sitting, crawling, climbing, walking etc. She made the activities fun e.g using toys to encourage him, lots of praise and clapping. In the end, Jacob got there - I can't say how much difference the exercises made. But I do know that I would not have continued if I thought he was in pain or upset, and I would not have been advised to do so. If your child is upset it will be counter-productive: they will not want to do the exercises. It has to be accessible and fun. Obviously you have internet access - maybe google the sort of activities which might help, but I would say that if your child is crying, you should stop and try something else. Maybe your child will get there anyway, and you need to consider how to build that special relationship you have. Love and affection are more important that making a child do something which they find impossibly hard, particularly when they are young.

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Rachel
Mum to Thomas 05, Luke 07, Jacob DS 09. Married to Stephen.

Thank you, Rachel!
I've found some exercises that can help a child to crawl. They are fun! Though Ann makes really tiny steps forward, I can see the progress! I hope she we'll start to crawl in several months!

Good luck!

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Rachel
Mum to Thomas 05, Luke 07, Jacob DS 09. Married to Stephen.

HI!!! Jumping in here even though I am rather late into the thread.
In my country there are nursery and kindergarten programs and the children get physio as well as OT and speech. The physiotherapist at the time encouraged us to get a walker for my son and we got one from a place that lends out medical equipment. We live in a more rural area and every afternoon would go walking with that walker up and down our street and around the block. Within three months my son was walking independently. You may want to consider that for the future, when your child has been crawling and starts taking little steps and is cruising more. As for play time - My son also threw his toys around the room, and even now he sometimes just likes to throw all the toys out the toy box. I have never seen it as a problem, but now that he is older we are trying to direct him to not just sit and throw things! He has always loved playing with little cars and will lie on his tummy pushing the cars and lining them up. His baby OT sessions focused a lot on playing with toys and the therapist always just went with him as he would change activities, a few minutes on the xylophone, some bubbles time, stacking cups, he would lead and she would just go with it. As he has gotten older he is more independent and can play by himself for a long time. He still loves one on one play though. Rachel's suggestion of finding solutions on the internet is a good one. If you cannot get services and school is an issue, then you will have to find the best things that work for you at home. Playground time is also a great way for your child to see other children and possibly even interact. Sorry this got so long!!!!!

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Everything is for the best!

Great advice about playing, Tracy. Let the child lead the way, even if they move between activities within minutes, and throw toys... in time, things might settle.

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Rachel
Mum to Thomas 05, Luke 07, Jacob DS 09. Married to Stephen.

Hi all!
Tracy, thank you very much for your reply! I found it really helpful!
How did your walker look like? Was it something that prevented the child from falling down or is it just a thing that you push in front of you?
We got a crawler for Ann. It looks like a chair with wheels and under it there is something that resembles a hammock. The child is lying in the hammock on his tummy (arms and legs are hanging) and can crawl. But Ann doesn't like it, probably because of her g-tube it's unpleasant for her to lie on her tummy for a long time.
I found it really helpful to keep a diary of Ann's progress. I choose up to 10 things I want her to learn (eg. to build a tower, give me a toy when I ask her, etc.) and if she is in the mood I show/teach her how to do it. We do it for several times during the day.
At the beginning things seem absolutely hopeless, it seems it will take us years to do it, but if you keep a diary you see, that in 2 months the child makes great progress! It helps to move further!
At the beginning I try to make the task as easy as possible (eg. we took a big block (15 cm) and a tiny one (4 cm) and put the small one on the big one), and when she figures out how to do it right I make it a bit more complicated.
I hope this method can help someone else!

You are doing fantastic things with Anne! good mommy!!!
The journal is a great idea to track development. Now I understand what the therapists were always writing after each session!!
The walker was open in the front. Had side bars and a back bar. It had wheels and he would just push it along, holding his hands on the side bars. It was actually quite cute!! It would not prevent falling down - he was not strapped in or anything. If he was tired he would just flop down and sit! The back bar was for the right posture. His looked similar to this: Just much smaller! http://www.especialneeds.com/mobility-aids-gait-trainers-walkers-nimbo-posterior-pediatric-walker.html
keep us updated on how things go.

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Everything is for the best!

Tracy, thank you for your nice reply and the picture! It's very helpful! We will try to get something similar when Ann is able to stand.
I'm sorry for my late reply, I was very busy with Ann.

Ann has made great progress! She gets smarter and smarter! Now I'm teaching her to draw and to look at pictures (she doesn't seem to understand that they mean something).
At what age your children began to draw? I mean enjoy the process of drawing, use different colors. Ann began to hold the pencil when she was 1,10, but she "draws" not more than for 2-3 seconds.
At what age your children were able to show a dog or an apple, etc. at the picture? It seems a very difficult activity! I don't know whether Ann is too young for it or we should practice more to learn how to do it.

meaningful drawing? not yet!! my son is 6 and his drawing is just scribble really. He will do a sort of squiggly circle and tell me its a daddy. He sees what he is drawing, but it is not at all meaningful to anyone else. He enjoys changing colors and just going back and forth on the page. In his KG class they are having him do straight lines to form shapes by having the shape drawn with dotted lines, and he needs to complete the dots and in so doing creates the shape. It is a start!!!! don't worry about her forming real shapes and pictures yet, let her just enjoy the freedom and power of making lines appear on the page and colors can be fun. Those magnetic drawing toys and a white board with colored markers are great too. Have fun!

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Everything is for the best!

Tracy, thank you for your reply!
I think your son is a drawer already! If he calls something daddy it's meaningful drawing! Even adults enjoy abstract art
I did not mean meaningful drawing. I meant any kind of drawing. The thing Ann does cannot be called drawing at all: she just takes a pencil, leaves a line and that's all. She doesn't even look at the line, she isn't interested in the process at all, she doesn't understand that we have different pencils, crayons that they are of different colors.
I do not worry about forms, I just want her to understand that using different colors can be fun. Probably she isn't ready for that.
Does anybody know what is best for the beginners? Can finger paints work better?

I think at these beginning stages, everything and anything can be helpful. finger paint is amazing for tactile development. Painting with a brush might be fun, as well as all kinds of other "drawing", even a stick in the sand, and chalk on the sidewalk. Just give her lots of opportunities and you will see her become more interested and adept at it. Good luck!

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Everything is for the best!

I understand now that my post (April 03 2016) was ambiguous.
I was talking about pictures. I do not mean pictures that a child draws, I mean pictures in books.
I'm struggling to teach Ann to recognize animals, people etc. in pictures.
She knows the difference between a lion and a dog (she can chose the right toy, when she is asked), but she doesn't seem to understand that there is any difference between pictures in books.
Probably I should chose the pictures carefully. Because it seems impossible for a child to recognize a cat if it wears a dress and a hat like a lady. But even very simple pictures make no difference to Ann. I tried photos but the result was the same.
Do your children have difficulties with recognizing pictures in books?

Thank you, Tracy!
Summer is coming we will have an opportunity to try all that!

We just read books, point to the pictures and say the name of the object (apple/house/sun/whatever) or animal (cat/whatever). By repeating again and again this exposure to ideas and concepts, she will eventually get it. it all takes lots of time, patience and practice. Just keep at it and don't give up.

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Everything is for the best!

She sounds a lot like Liam was. Uninterested in most toys. Like to push button and play music. He also liked repetitive motion, like waving crepe paper in the air.

What we did with him was repetitive, musical play, things with hand motions, especially if it's the sort where the parent does most of the motions

See-saw, knock on the door
Knick-knack paddy-whack
One I made up that he loves
Putting him up over my head (I'm on the ground) so he can "fly"
Ride a horse to Morgan Town
Pop goes the weasel
Where is Thumpkin
Open shut them open shut them give a little clap clap clap

Also, once able to do some imitation, things where he stands and does motion to music: Hokey-Pokey, Itsy bitsy spider

IDK the Russian equivalents, but there are bound to be some; and the English versions are no doubt online.

We at some point got so we could roll a ball back & forth to him. Yes, boring, even to him before long.

It was a long time before play could become imaginative, and he still does only a little. He likes cooking at the play kitchen.

Anyway, maybe those hand and body motion music games will help.

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Father of Liam (DS, '08 ) and Charles ('10).

Thanks a lot for your reply! We do have Russian equivalents, these songs and rhymes with gestures and exercises are called логоритмика (may be the term can be of help to Russian speaking people).

Now that you've reminded me of them, we practice them regularly and I hope Ann will soon be able to do some movements without my help.

She has figured out how to roll a car! She enjoys it a lot!
I showed her how to do it more than a million times, and one day when she was about to throw one of her cars away, I said without any hope really: roll it, push it with your hand! And I pushed it for her and then gave it back to her and she pushed it for herself! It made me realize that no teaching was wasted on children, even if things seemed hopeless, they would surprise you with their skills after some time!

Good luck to everyone! Hope your children will make progress every day!

Well done, both of you!

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Rachel
Mum to Thomas 05, Luke 07, Jacob DS 09. Married to Stephen.

Thank you, Rachel!

Jacob is 6 and will still find board books best (not paper - he just tears them even though he loves books). We still use books which show photos of actual animals and objects, with a simple label under each photo 'cat', 'cup' etc. We use Makaton signing when we look at the picture and read the words. You are right - cats wearing dresses as part of a story comes a bit later!

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Rachel
Mum to Thomas 05, Luke 07, Jacob DS 09. Married to Stephen.