Jon has decided he'd rather pay childsupport than just buy diapers like I asked. SO, can you tell me what you know about it? How does the system work? Any info is appreciated.

I don't have any personal experience, but my first reaction is to make sure your agreement with Jon is legally binding. Don't get caught up in emotion here, Elijah needs to get everything he is entitled to. You have to put feelings for Jon aside.

I did a quick search on the Internet and found this site relating strictly to Ohio. I work with attorneys so I knew that most states do have organizations that provide low-cost or pro bono (free) work to people with financial difficulties...so see if these people can help you:

http://www.ohiolegalservices.org/OSLSA/PublicWeb/DeskRef/

A couple specific pages from the site that might help you are:

http://www.ohiolegalservices.org/OSLSA/PublicWeb/Library/Index/1390000

and

http://www.ohiolegalservices.org/OSLSA/PublicWeb/Library/Index/1590000/1593200/index_html#1593200

Hope this helps

In all states now, if your child is receiving any type of public assistance (including Medicaid or Medical Assistance) they have to do wage withholding for child support. All you have to do is call your financial worker and have them send you the paperwork for child support.

You are FAR better off having him pay child support than buying diapers, and other things on occasion. Basically, you won't get screwed. Not to say that a man (or woman...my previous husbands ex wife didn't pay support for YEARS) can't get paid cash and you have no idea about it, but let the state be your record keeper so you have some recourse should things turn ugly. I can't tell you how many times I've had to take an otherwise really good dad to court under contempt charges for non-payment of support.

Is he really serious or is he just upset? I hope things could be sorted without having to split up. Elijah would benefit much more from you two being together (unless there is abuse and of course those circumstances need to be looked at differently).

I know I'm not any help, I'm quite sure legal things here are much different to the US but I do know that with any couple, having a new baby brings a lot of stresses that are tough to handle. Add to that all the extra stresses that have come along with his having DS and it is even more difficult.

A lot of men, no matter the child, go through a time of feeling really useless when they have a baby. Suddenly all the attention they used to get from their partner is given, nearly all of, to the new baby. They feel unimportant and even a little jealous of the baby. As well as, they don't have the same instincts the Mum has and so they don't know what to do.

I've heard of dad's even being jealous of the Mum who stays home with the baby, even though he wants her to be an at home mum, deliberatly waking the baby early in the morning so the Mum has to come get the baby and not stay in bed. Sounds childish but it happens.

Could Jon be feeling this? I know you two have had a lot of things which would add a lot of stress and sometimes that stress covers up the fact of which brought you together... would having someone to talk to as a couple help?

Also, and this may not be a good question as I don't know how things are between you, but maybe he just needs to know that you still adore him as much as you do the baby and that his needs are still important even if you don't have as much time to do much for him? Just a thought... and again, it might not be appropriate, only you would know that.

Anyway, I'll pray for you two. I've always said I was proud of you (both, even) for all you have endured and how strong I've seen you be. I really hope things can work themselves out. I'm sure Elijah would much rather have you both there to watch his every achievement each day lol!

hugs

You know, I've also read about something interesting... apparently a lot of Mums go through a time after having the baby of sort of rejecting their partner. The thought of being close to their partner nearly makes them ill. It is because of the new 'love affair' they have with the baby and though it isn't a sexual thing, they are so filled with love for the baby they temporarily don't 'need' that element of the relationship with the man. I don't know much more about it than that but I will find the thing I read and see what it says... again, I don't know anything of what is happening but I thought I'd put this here just in case. Too much information might be better than too little?

It has been my experience that it is better to go through official channels to get child support, ie get them to take it out of his pay. Lots of dads have every intention of helping out with money etc but as time goes on they get distracted and the support stops. If it is done through the state, it is their worry to collect it.

I was reluctant to go through the process with my eldest girl's father but since I did it has been great as we get a regular monthly payment which we can rely on. Prior to that it was erratic and the amounts varied. Australia has a national organisation - the Child Support Agency which is part of the tax office and they do everything - collecting and payments.

I know it would be better for you two to be together and happy but if that isn't how it is, it is important that Jon helps with Elijah.

How are you coping as a single mum? I actually found it quite good (apart from the trauma of the breakup). We didn't have much money but I was able to manage my finances well without someone else spending money. It was hard emotionally at times and looking after kids without help is very challenging but we got through and I know that you will too.

As Leah said, if you receive any kind of state financial assistance, they will require that he pay child support. The state will be involved in ALL hearings from then on - at least in this state they are. He will not have a choice in the matter. Neither will you unless you lie about certain information. It's just not an option. Get the ball rolling as it can take quite a bit of time to set things up and you might want to consider getting a temporary order for support in the interim. Depending on your court, they may be able to provide you with the legal forms necessary to start/complete the process. Your case worker would also be a good source for information.

Good luck. Let us know how you are doing.

Thanks guys. He's just decided that he'd rather live with his parent's and not with his family here so that's fine with me. I don't need him yelling and arguing with me all the time. It's better off this way. No wonder I'm on so many meds...I feel better now that he's not here screaming in my ear. SO...I just wanted to know where to start. I actually had an appt. with my caseworker and she said since ELijah is on Med. I have to file, and there is nothing he can do about it. So, they're supposed to call me with an appt. so I can get the ball rolling. I don't know what the hells gotten in to him. I guess it don't matter as long as I don't have to hear about it. Thanks again.