I Have felt this a few times now, but here I go again. Last few days have been tough no really tough.
The guilt over how I reacted to the news, when first told the doctor thought Aden has Ds is consuming me. I realise this can happen on and off.

The worst part is I really thought some terrible things, I remember reading in the Ds kit were a mother says, “every thing your thinking and feeling we have too” but I don’t think people would have.
I feel so ashamed it is really eating me up, plus I don’t really want to even admit to it or remember how I felt back then.
2 days ago while out shopping I bumped into a young mum that was in the hospital having her baby when we ere there. It was day 3, day 3 was when I knew in my heart so was a very bad day (and it shouldn’t have been)
She said to me, “Oh you were so devastated, completely devastated and shocked…..”
I felt so exposed.
Right now and for months (when Aden was about 3-4 mths) I have just felt really positive and still do, I feel excited about having a precious child who has Ds.
When she reminded me of how I once felt I really did feel like a fraud, like I really am just the most terrible, terrible…. Person and I feel now really unworthy for his love. I love him so much, but um I just feel like I have failed him. Now every bad thought I’ve ever had about anyone is surfacing, really attackingly, I don’t know really I’m so ashamed that people know I had felt that way once. To know she was there saying it would be ok and how beautiful he was….. It’s tough, I cried so hard that day my eyes were so swollen and puffy and she was there.
Has anyone else felt so ashamed of how the took the news, or is it just that I took it so bad and should feel really ashamed.

Oh I've so been there!!! I feel ashamed and mostly embarassed!!! I'm so embarassed for the things I said and how I felt about this precious little baby I had just given birth too! It wasn't fair how I treated or thought about him, but I think those feelings are more common than you think. I've appoligized to Jaemen until I was blue in the face. I've cried about all those things over and over. But you just learn that it was a weak time in your life. And those emotions were raw and true. It hurts, it's hard, it's not fair. But through the love that we have for our babies we learn to heal, admire, care for, and most of all accept our little ones that God gave us. I admire you for coming on here and saying your feelings it's still hard but it sure gets easier...HUGS!!!

Believe me we all have been there and thought the worst of the worst. I have learned to put away the guilt and realize that it's a normal reaction and until you get your bearings (hormones and pain) under control just from giving birth then you really can't expect much more.

Kiss your baby and know that you are the best mom ever! We are all growing and learning. I like to say L made my world a lot smaller but my horizon a lot bigger.

We did not find out that Charlie might have DS until his 2 months check up, and then the results took three weeks to confirm that he did. I will just tell you that in those three weeks my husband and I wrestled with so many thoughts and emotions. Many of them we would rather that no one else ever know about. I really can't imagine how much more intense it would be to hear this news right after giving birth, before you even have time to get to know your baby.

I certainly DO NOT think you DESERVE to feel guilty about your reaction to Aden's diagnosis. You DO DESERVE to feel VERY, VERY GOOD about how much you love and give of yourself to him now. Just hang in there, these feelings will again pass.

Give Aden a big hug, and cuddle. He loves you so much... and for very good reason!
--K

I get where you're coming from, but you are not a fraud. You are a Mom that has embraced every facet of a difficult diagnosis. There are so many feelings related to hearing this news, and you can't let yourself feel guilty about how you felt when you first found out, because you were feeling for your child. It was nice for you to have the comfort of the woman in the hospital, but please remind yourself that if the shoe were on the other foot, she would have needed the comfort every bit as mush as you. You deserve Aden's love and Aden deserves all that you can give, and I'm sure you're doing a great job - don't lose your positive outlook over what you felt in the past, you just didn't know at the time what the future could bring.

Oh thanks for being so kind.
Those feelings have been trying to reach the surface for a while, I have been able to push them away until now. Last night when I posted it had reached it’s peak, you have all helped me to see that it’s just another stage of the process. Now to find a way to live in peace with myself.

I've been thinking about you and your post all day....I just haven't been able to get you off my mind. I'm sure I shared similar thought processes with you when I found out prenatally that we were expecting a child with Ds. However, I truly have given no power to those thoughts at all. I want to share a story with you...one of those life changing stories for me. It truly changed the way I look at a lot of difficult or sorrowful times in my life. I hope you don't mind .....

Several years ago, a very good friend of mine lost a 5 year old daughter to a horrific accident. A neighbor had offered to take the girl to school with a few others. Upon exiting the vehicle, the child's coat got caught in the van door, unbeknownst to the driver. This sweet child was killed instantly.

In speaking with this incredible mother of this child, I asked her if the anniversary of this horrible event was difficult for her. Her sweet answer to this question changed me forever. She replied, "The anniversary day is not difficult at all. I already lived that day once. God only expects me to live it once. He doesn't ask me to keep reliving it, and I won't!"

In that response I realized the tendency in myself to dwell on things in my past, reliving them and beating myself up for my faults and weaknesses. I have made my peace with the thoughts I had back then when I got the diagnosis. I have apologized to my son, and promised him I would be the best mother I could and would commit my life to making his life the best it could be. From that moment on, I have not felt the need to think about that time again, at least in the frame of being hard on myself.

So I guess what I am trying to say here, is please don't keep reliving those days. You have already survived them once!! God does not expect you to live them more than that!! Make your peace with it, and place those memories where they belong. You sound like a wonderful, caring mother. Concentrate on your love for your child and his love for you. That's all that matters now.

I hope this helped.

Ibby

I am sure that we had similar thoughts about our children during dx time. It was aweful. I never cried so much in all my life. I experienced every emotion there was to experience. I don't remember feeling too much guilt. Right off the bat my husband said "it was probably my fault." I asked why and he just said it was. He didn't know much about his family history and so that must be it. For some reason that took the blame off of me. I am sure that that wasn't the answers now, but it helped then. AS far as the guilt about feeling so sad...well...I feel like I had the right to grieve and whatever I needed to feel I did so that I could move on and LOVE that little girl like no other! She is amazing and such a joy to have around. I know I must have done something right. I can't now, quite remember what I was so sad for. But at least I don't feel that way now.

i think most of us have had similar thoughts. I can't even tell you what thoughts were going through my mind. I told one friend and she just hugged me and told me it would be alright. You can't feel guilty. The stress of finding out something like that is tremendous. I don't think many of us new how wonderful Down Syndrome could be. When I was growing up it wasn't like it is now. I am hoping that when our kids starts having kids and if someone finds out their child has Down Syndrome it won't be as bad because of the way our children are treated right now. Now that Peter is 8 he is pretty involved in school and special olympics and it is amazing. He is the absolute light of my life along with my other 2 children.

You are not alone. When we were first told that Talitha might have DS I was devastated. It seemed like such an awful thing at the time and the doctors were so negative. Today at our surgery follow up I saw a nurse that was in NICU when Talitha was born. She remembered us and was really happy to see Talitha. I was so excited to show Talitha off (even though I was in the middle of giving her a bolus feed through her g-tube) and I told the nurse that all the negative stuff I experienced in the NICU was not how it really is to have a baby with DS. I told her that Talitha is delightful and wonderful and doing really well. I don't know what she thought but it was good to kind of set things right a bit if you KWIM.

Add me to the list...it was a really difficult time for me and I remember all *kinds* of thoughts running through my mind.

I had a few friends who kept telling me it was okay to voice those feelings, but I never really did. Not sure if it would have helped of if I'd feel worse for having said them aloud.

I know now I still feel like a fraud when people tell me how "well I'm taking it"...because they really only see me or hear from me on good days. They don't know about the bad days I still have. I love Lily with all my heart, no different than any of the other kiddos, but I still have days.

Be gentle with yourself...I'll be thinking of you...

Ibby, that was a great post. I think we could all apply that to a lot of things. The way you feel is never something to be ashamed of I don't think. That is something that we can not control. What we can control is how we act upon those things. I imagine that you are a wonderful mother and that is all your baby knows or wants from you. There is absolutely no guilt in wanting the absolute best for your baby. Every one of us on here wants that.

Kayla

been there after brooke was born in nicu for 10 days so there were so many things running through my head. after she first can home I was very didtant for a couple of days, but then woke up to realize she was more like a typical kid than I ever expected. dont think your alone we have all been there. one day you will turn the corner & look back & wonder why all the sad thoughts & feelings. you are NOT a bad mom its just part of the greiving process.

Ibby I love you for putting that story out there for us. What an amazing tale of Grace. Mind if I repeat it?

Sorry I have taken so long in responding, my internet modem isn’t working we have to use dial up, so I’m avoiding the net a lot. Wont be fixed for a month L

Ibby, Your so right thank you, My sister lost her DD 2.5yrs and she says the same it’s just too hard to do it over and over. But somehow I just feel I need to punish myself for my thoughts it’s awful. I haven’t since posting here which is good. Your right to I don’t need to relieve it over and over. Aden already knew I would love him, and he would have known before coming to earth.

You all made me feel like I’m not alone which is the best feeling of all, knowing theirs more than just me working through this.
Thank you for all your stories for being honest know it would help me and possibly others reading too.
I cried reading how we all felt. Makes me so determined to get the message out there that having Ds is a wonderful gift not just to us parents but to the whole world.
Thanks you all so much I have some peace now.