I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have
not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this...
When you're going to
have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your
wonderful plans. The Coliseum. Michelangelo's David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy
phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several
hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All
my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence,
famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go
out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new
group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there
for a while and you catch your breath, you look around... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills...
and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a
wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed
to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very, very
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the
very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.