First a little background... our son Dillen was adopted from the local foster care system and came into our home at age 2yrs. Dillen has been diagnosed PDD with autistic features. He also has the following, bi-polar (extreme)FAE, seziures (not noticeable except EEG), Reactive Attachment Disorder =RAD, and suffered extreme neglect and had rotten teeth when he came into care etc. So little Dillen has been through a LOT. So have we, he is now 6 yrs old and a handful at times and an angel at others. There is NO middle for him! He can be so horriable we think that we will have to remove him from our home and other times can't imagin life without him. We are VERY commited to him and having him stay at home.

We see a neurobehavioralist in Tacoma, WA. She has helped him with meds. We mentioned in the medication thread. They are starting to not work.. and he really hasn't been right for the last 5 months or so.

Tommorrow we are setting out to go back to visit the doctor again. PLEASE PRAY for us.... sometimes I just feel so worn out and hopeless. He really wears me out and runs me down at times. We are working with a counsler who is also our pastor. He has been trained to work with difficult kids and kids with attachment issues so we are truly blessed to have his help. I am just so nervous about the trip.... we are also going to meet up with our daughters birthparents, whom we have not seen since the birth and she is now 9months.

Dillen always does great on the trip and we go visit fun places in Seattle, like this time we are going to the Seattle Aquarium and The Crab Pot. BUT when the trip is over and there is no more fun to be had Dillen stops careing about if he is good or not because there is nothing else for him to gain, and he acts out horriable!!! He will continue on all the way home (6hour drive 7 people in 1 mini van FUN!) and will act bad for days or weeks after the trip. Has anyone else had this problem with their kids? Even the specialist agrees that Dillen has very difficult behaviors and is an "odd kid to figure out". Thanks for listening.... I just feel so alone when it comes to Dillen.

Megan

Good luck with everthing... sending you HUGS!!!!!

A.

thanks so much for the "HUG" you know that is exactly what I need!!! I felt like a looney after I posted this... but our son has MANY problems besides PDD and he is really complicated... the doctor says. Sometimes I feel so ALONE and like I might explode! I really can't tell you how much your line of support means thanks! Megan

OH my God, you are an unbelivable Woman, I have never meet some one like you with so much courage and love for others. Dillan should do sound a hand full and more and what amaizes me is that he is not even your own son. God put him in your arms because he know what a kind loving heart you have. I truly hope they find the righ medicine for Dillan.
Maybe I shouldn't tell you this but here it goes any way...I will be afraid for Dillan to hurt Megan. Not intentionally ofcourse but due to his problems.
God is with you honey, just take a moment and talk to him the same way you talk to us in this email, he will give you in answer..I promise.
Love for you
Alex

Thanks for the compliments.... but they really aren't true. I believe that God has given EVERYONE a gift... and that EVERYONE has a diffrent gift. The thing that I excell at in life is caring for and teaching MY children. Dillen IS my son!!! He couldn't be more mine! He was born from my heart instead of my womb. If he wasn't MINE than he WOULD NOT be in my home right now, because honestly at times I can't stand him. At other times we are so close, it is odd, but the way that my relationship with him works. God created him for my DH and I. I don't know why things are the way they are..... or why Dillen has to be the way he is... but I know that it is all for a bigger reason than I will understand here on earth.

I totally get what you mean about worrying about Dillen harming one of my other kids.... I think you meant Khloe... I am Megan... but I ALSO have 4 other kids besides Dillen. The reason that I always share that Dillen is adopted when I talk about his behaviors is because ALL of his issues come from his severly mentally ill birthfamily and from the neglect that he suffered in their care. Beacuse of this he has suffered with Reactive Attachment Disorder. IMO that is the WORST of ALL mental disorders that one can suffer from. I know first hand, being adopted myself, the impact that those early days and years can have on you mentally. We have worked HARD with MANY specialist that "know their stuff" to help Dillen. He will always be the way he is to a point, but has become more healthy in some ways than we had once ever dreamed he could be! Dillen sleeps in a medical bed ordered by his specialist to keep him (AND US) safe. He won't stay in bed and does things that are scary and unsafe if not contained. Also he is always monitored and has a set routine of play and school work (we homeschool) and that keeps him and us all safe. If Dillen was to hurt anyone it would be his dad or I... going back to his birthparents and his early anger.... but he has NEVER attempted to hurt the others.... regardless he is always closely watched.

Sometimes it is more like running a nursing home than being a family. That makes DH and I VERY sad. We get depressed etc. Then there are other moments and days where we are able to see through the fog and realize how BLESSED we are. The TRUTH is that when out and about... and even at home... our children are WAY BETTER behaved than other kids their age. I think it is due to strick disapline and structure. They really are VERY polite and good.... So I guess that I just feel the average day to day stresses of any other busy mother, and sometimes a bit more added to that.
Thanks for listening to my ramble..... makes me feel SO much better when I just let it all out. I am a pretty good mom, NOT EVEN CLOSE TO A SAINT, and I like any other mom that cares, do the best I can to not screw my kids up and have them grow up and hate me LOL With care, Megan

Dear Megan,

It sounds so overwhelming. I am sorry you are going through this with Dillen.

What a blessing for all of your family that you and your husband answered the call to be parents to these children.

It sounds like you have your hands full. I can't even imagine what you are going through. You are a good woman. Many people that gave birth to a child like that would not have them in their house. Hang in there. You are in my prayers. I don't know exactly what to pray for, but, God knows just how you need help.

Megan I really think that you are doing a grand job

hang in there

I wish I knew better words to say to you to help you but I have little experience in this area, I am still learning myself everyday

One thing I do want to say to you is a I remember a mom having a conversation with her adopted daughter and her daughter saying asking if she loved her any less because she didnt carry her in her tummy and the mom replied

"darling I may not have carried you in my tummy for 9 months but I carried you in my heart "

I still cry even now ( as I have typing it ) as I think its the most loving thing anyone could say to a child

thinking of you Megan and sending my love and support to you.

Jo