Many of the situations Beck describes are told in such a way that the experience is stretched, almost to the point of disbelief, a technique called hyperbole (For instance, Beck isn't just a high achiever, she is the highest achiever, with two degrees from Harvard and an alter-ego named Fang. Or, she didn't just have morning sickness, she was so debilitated she had black outs and visions and required continual medical support) What other instances can you think of in which Beck uses hyperbole, and how does the use of this technique affect her story, in your eyes?

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Jennifer Graf Groneberg

This writing style really captured me at first, but it got old after several reads. It feels somewhat manipulative to me now.

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Kathryn Lynard Soper

mother of Thomas (DS) 10/2005
Sam - 2003
Matt - 2001
Christine - 1999
Andrew - 1997
Ben - 1994
Elizabeth - 1993

It bothers me, too. I have trouble believing in the extremes...I am more of a middle of the road gal. So, for me to read of a family with so many extremes, well I found myself doubting them, and MB's credibility. In a story like this, I think credibility is very important.

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Jennifer Graf Groneberg

Yes. It pushes the limits of my trust. Just yesterday, in my writer's group, a friend warned me that a little passage in a book chapter I'm writing wasn't believable. "It's too specific," she said. "I can't believe that you remember that degree of detail from so long ago." And she was right, and wrong. I did remember very vividly. But the feelings were what was vivid, not the outward details. By trying to clothe the feelings in a detailed scenario, I lost her trust. Another member of the group said, "Yeah, you don't want to pull a Martha Beck." It's true, there's so much detailed recollection (written what--nine years after the fact? Ten?) that it's easy to believe that she took a lot of liberties as she wrote. Every memoir writer takes liberties, but maybe she took too many. And the (alleged, but likely) exaggeration doesn't help. It's like we are given so much colorful evidence to perceive her a certain way (brilliant, and pitiful) that we're almost bullied into certain emotional responses.

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Kathryn Lynard Soper

mother of Thomas (DS) 10/2005
Sam - 2003
Matt - 2001
Christine - 1999
Andrew - 1997
Ben - 1994
Elizabeth - 1993

I agree that I felt much of the book was too what I term 'woo-woo' - new agey, flakey, whatever you'd like to call it.

I think much of that is due to the 'over the top' stories. Funny how her stories about Adam didn't feel that way. I think she's drawing those from the well of truth (would Adam let her do it any other way?).

ps: I was thinking - please don't invite Martha to read this forum, Jennifer!

No worries! I think it's more important that we feel like we can speak freely than it is to have an author "stop by" for fun. (Which is to say, no author visit on this one.)

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Jennifer Graf Groneberg

It just struck me - are we much more critical of Martha Beck than we were of Kim Edwards because Martha is a mom like us?

I felt a bit grateful to Kim for writing so well about Ds even though she had no personal connection...and for giving a character with Ds some spotlight.

But for Martha (who might be considered 'one of us moms'), we are awfully hard on her! (Myself included). I bet we hold her up to a different standard because she didn't write the book that spoke precisely to our own experiences. We are looking for a more exact connection for her, and are therefore more unforgiving.

Just a thought...

That could very well be. But I don't think it's the only thing at play in our easy criticisms.

Most of my experience with EA was before my T was born. So my deepest impressions of the book have nothing to do with my experience as a mom of a child with DS. I didn't come to the book looking for a description of my life.

This particular point of Jennifer's, I think, is squarely about writing technique and the reader-author relationship.

If we were just being judgmental moms, we'd be criticizing M for her feelings, or her parenting, or some other touchy subject. Not her extravagance as a writer. kwim?

I agree that there's a whole different realm of response to MB as an author than KA, because this is a memoir.

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Kathryn Lynard Soper

mother of Thomas (DS) 10/2005
Sam - 2003
Matt - 2001
Christine - 1999
Andrew - 1997
Ben - 1994
Elizabeth - 1993

Too, I think this book takes risks that MKD doesn't. There is much to be admired in that...EA attempts a lot of things: debunking the Harvard myth; explaining one woman's spiritual awakening; telling the story of a husband and a wife dealing with times of crisis...these are very difficult themes, each on their own. It's an ambitious undertaking.

How well she succeeds is a personal call, I think. For every person who has felt lukewarm about the book, I've met or read another who loves it and feels very loyal to it. I think it's that hyperbole at work again--you either love it or you hate it!

To speak to your point, Suz, I hope we don't judge each other, as moms and dads of children with DS, more harshly, or by a higher standard. Maybe we do. I'll have to think about this one...

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Jennifer Graf Groneberg

Sorry, I didn't mean to imply that we were being 'judgemental moms'.

Perhaps it is best for me to withdraw from this discussion. Apologies if I overstepped a boundary.

I didn't take your point to be that we were judgmental; more that we were hoping, and wanting, to find a connection with such intensity that perhaps we are expecting too much. Maybe?

I liked the point. I find that in life, when I admire someone or think we have something in common, my disappointment feels greater if I find I am wrong. So silly! But there it is.

I definitely read EA searching for something. (Queen K I think it's interesting that you read it before Thomas). A something that I didn't find, and now I wonder why. There is plenty there to take, if I had been in the mood to find it. Maybe I just wasn't able to "hear" the message until I was ready to hear it, if you know what I am trying to say.

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Jennifer Graf Groneberg

No no, don't go, Suz. You didn't say "judgmental" and so I was putting words in your mouth. So I apologize for that.

You raised a great point. I had to stop and wonder what's driving me when I point out things I don't like about the book. For me it's not that she's failed my expectations about describing her experience with DS. But I am disappointed in some other things she did in the book and in her life. So the jig is up! I think my disappointment does color my views of other things. You're right on.

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Kathryn Lynard Soper

mother of Thomas (DS) 10/2005
Sam - 2003
Matt - 2001
Christine - 1999
Andrew - 1997
Ben - 1994
Elizabeth - 1993

I read this right after MaryEllen was born. I enjoyed it at that point in my journey. Have not read it since, but often think I should. However, I too am too busy with my own story being written, which is delightful all on its own, and have not felt a "need" to explore anothers journey like that again. But, I do remember feeling so much peace from many of her words. I remember feeling so thrilled that she spoke up against "those who know better." Very empowering. I was struck by her exaggerations, but forgave her, as she has given so many a voice. I have to say, I was in no way going to write this time, as last time, I was honest about my feelings on the book, and I was apparently the only one, who did not have time to note that the author was going to join us. VERY embarressing. I was wondering why we were not having much of a discussion, and I felt like I was in a commercial instead. LOL. My only relief from that horrible realization of her watching the thread, as I went to reviews AFTER I wrote, MANY said exactly what I had said. Whew, at least I was not the first person she heard that from. Anyway, this is my 2 cents worth. Diane

Thanks for joining in, Diane!

Sorry about the confusion of MKD and Kim Edwards, but she didn't seem phased by any of it, though I think you are right...knowing you will be saying something in front of the book's author puts a different spin on it. Which could be a whole new thread in itself!

I appreciated your comments then, and now. And yes, there will be no author participation, so discuss away!

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Jennifer Graf Groneberg

I agree that in the first read it all seemed OK but then after awhile it becomes unbelievable. It was the same kind of problem as in MKD. In that book, every one can't just be successful, they have to be hugely successful. In this book, the hyperbole starts to make the story hard to believe and it eventually feels more like bad fiction.

There is a review on Amazon: The 'big picture' of this book is "my child isn't really a child with DS, he is an angel riding in the body of a child with DS. (So sorry about YOUR poor child.) You get the feeling that she thinks an ordinary human child with trisomy 21 just couldn't happen to someone as special as she is (with 3 Harvard degrees).

I think that is where the hyperbole ultimately leads. And her pity party in "Leaving the Saints" makes the hyperbole in this book seem even more like self aggrandizement.

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Tom

Dad to Beth (15) and Mikey (10 - Ds and PDD-NOS)
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